I've tried ever so hard to keep my mouth shut about Courtney Stodden...
- I haven't commented on her bizarre marriage to Doug Hutchison
- I haven't made note of her frequently blotchy fake tan
- I haven't spread rumours that she is quite clearly not 16-years-old
- I haven't marveled at her belief that her marital life is so interesting that it warrants a reality TV show
- I haven't retweeted any of her utterly bonkers Tweets ('Exotically crawling through such a kittenish day as my saucy senses playfully pounce on every single frisky fantasy that comes my way; Rawr!' - what does it mean?). Nor, for that matter, have I paid attention to her sycophantic Twitter biog ('Courtney Stodden: Model, Recording Artist, Actress, Dancer, T.V Show Hostess, & ... Doug's Girl.')
However, my lenience finally snapped this morning when I spotted the latest 'casual snaps' of Courtney 'frolicking' in a field of totally innocent pumpkins. The pics show Courtney and her keeper, sorry, husband, posing in various imaginative manners with (and without) pumpkins. Shots include the classic 'kiss over shoulder whilst holding pumpkin like majesterial orb', 'straddle kiss with pumpkins in foreground' and 'propped up on pumpkins whilst kissing'. You get the jist.
Not only has my mind been left scarred by the sight of Stodden and Hutchinson shamelessly 'pashing' (as one does when shopping for pumpkins - watch out for it in supermarkets near you), but I have also been left troubled by what, exactly, it is that Stodden wishes to be portrayed as.
For a 16-year-old (come on, guys, let's indulge her claim), Courtney seems to be in some kind of limbo land where she can't decide whether she's a child or an adult. I imagine that the fact she was born in 1995 and yet is already married is probably not helping with this moral dilemma - what does one do when faced with a field full of pumpkins?
I suppose she did what anyone in her situation would have done. She took to the field of pumpkins, wearing a tiny pair of cut-off shorts (as in, literally, cut-off: I am no prude but they were indecent), a tied-up blouse and thigh-high white boots for that authentic sexy girl look. And yet, what adult goes shopping (in a field) and ends up frolicking amongst the produce?
Evidently woman-girl Courtney - perhaps, as she Tweeted on Sunday morning, we should 'not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment." John 7:24'.
Hahaha. Not very likely though.
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