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Halloween Seasonal Treats - GRRRRRRR

31/10/2014 10:19 GMT | Updated 30/12/2014 10:59 GMT

I'm not a Halloween Scrooge, far from it! I like nothing better than dressing up like a tw*t and taking my kids knocking on random people's doors asking for free stuff in a terribly unBritish like fashion.

However there is one thing that really gets my Halloween goat. The pathetic attempt by brands to cash in on it by making absolutely zero effort to spook up their products...

Cadburys WTF is so 'scary' about an orange cake bar?!?

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Unless i am mistaken Hartleys what is so fangtastic about your bog standard strawberry Jelly?

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I love Pom-Bear. I would have lapped up Hellraiser style teddies. But if you bring out normal shaped pickled onion bears in a 'Special Halloween Pack' I am only going to assume you are trying to piggy-back the Monster Munch association - which incidentally does the flavour SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANYONE EVER COULD! Weak guys, weak.

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How is small scary? Aren't half sized treats actually just sh*tter?

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Vampire Bites or Nana friendly tea cakes with jam? *shuddders*

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More spooky orange cake bars?!? Can someone please tell me what is so scary about an orange? Is it because they look ever so slightly like tiny, pathetic pumpkins?

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This ones really good Maynards - Just put a picture of a witch on your wine gums and call them 'Spooky Treats' - no need to go into details is there.

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How about the very tenuous 'Toffee Terror Whirls'? I nearly wet myself at the sight of these. Oh please don't hurt me Mr. Kipling with your strange off-the-wall Viennese Whirl filling :(

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Seasonal Halloween treats, I'm sorry but make a bit more effort or do one! Except the Screme egg - always awesome under any circumstance right?

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