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Lauren Oyler

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Something is Wrong, and It's Not Feminism

Posted: 03/11/2012 00:00

Let me start off by saying that I am right. I am so right that I feel no need for political correctness, no need for intellectual discourse for the sake of intellectual discourse. Have you ever had one of those deep, painful pimples, the kind that reject even the most skin-tone-compatible of concealers and linger as light purple splotches for months after you've popped them?

Your wrongness is like that - hard to get rid of, ugly. It's the kind of wrong your kids, embarrassed of your simplemindedness and inability to get with the times, will attribute to being "from another generation." Like math or foreign languages, it's the kind of thing that's very hard to understand without natural ability, or a very patient tutor. Unfortunately, I am not that patient tutor. I am just very angry.

In "It's a Man's World," Lucy Sherriff argues that "annoying, in-your-face" feminists--and in her eyes, that's every feminist - should "ditch" the feminist label.

Over the course of the piece, Sherriff throws out, seemingly at random, many arguments we've heard before: she calls feminism a joke; she cites one feminist blog's lack of male readership as evidence of the entire movement's failure; she attributes the scarcity of women in government not to the problem of deeply ingrained ideas about women and our place in society, but to good old-fashioned democracy at work. She says sexual harassment should be chalked up to "immature males who don't know how to behave around women," yet insists it's the "in-your-face feminist[s]" who alienate the opposite sex. She mentions the suffragette movement and bra burning. She says the fact that, as a woman, she can publish misguided articles on The Huffington Post UK proves the women's movement has arrived - not that equal, but hey, close enough!

In response, I must first echo Inigo Montoya in his take down of the hapless Vizzini in Rob Reiner's 1987 film adaptation of The Princess Bride: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

To be a "feminist" today is to understand that the kind of complacency Sherriff demonstrates is not OK, that eighty cents does not equal one dollar. It is not enough to simply acknowledge the gender disparity in government, business, science. It is not enough to assign a hyperbolically vague negative adjective to the way "women are treated." Women are not carpets; we do not need to be "treated" for fleas or embarrassing stains.

This kind of can't-we-all-just-get-along op-ed threatens to halt the progress that, yes, the suffragettes and the "bra burners" fought for. (1. You know it's unclear whether any bras were literally burned, right?) Sherriff offers plenty of evidence that the outrage "bra burning" represents is still very much necessary: she's both felt the need to create an entire mental category called "Unpleasant Experiences with Men" and asserted, both in her piece's title and in its first line ("interesting" rhetorical choice), that it's a man's world. Nevertheless, she doesn't think feminism is the answer to these very real problems, and she doesn't offer any alternatives, either.

I understand why Sherriff wants to believe the fight is over; the misogyny and sexism women encounter today seem ludicrous in the context of the twenty-first century. However, that Sherriff believes "politics won't, and can't, change" things is as much a problem as misogyny and sexism are.

When I half-jokingly declare on a date that I think I am both a "very good writer" and "pretty hot" and hear in response, "Girls can't say that! You need to be more modest!"; when a very successful male classmate tells me, matter-of-factly, that "women aren't as good of writers"; when, in high school, my boyfriend uses the phrase, "Other guys would have cheated on you by now" to persuade me to sleep with him; when I hear the news that members of a fraternity at my university have chanted, "No means yes, yes means anal," on central campus and do not get seriously, seriously punished, I do not think, "Oh, dear, what an unpleasant experience!" as Sherriff suggests I should. I think, "Something is really, really wrong."

Something is wrong not only because these things have happened and continue to happen, but also because people like Lucy Sherriff think it is an unavoidable fact of life that they do.

Something is wrong because people like Lucy are too afraid to attach their names to a cause that, though unequivocally right, makes people in power a little uncomfortable. Something is wrong when women like Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer - women we celebrate for finally achieving a modicum of the success men have been kicking back and grabbing a beer with for centuries -cannot or will not admit that it is not just the supposed bra burners at the Miss America pageant, that they too are feminists.

Sherriff is so, so wrong throughout her article, but when she cites the lack of admitted feminists in a 200-person English literature lecture to imply her viewpoint is that of the majority, I am terrified to admit that there, she could be right. If all women acted as selfishly and cowardly as Sherriff, Mayer, and many otherwise smart, ambitious, and talented women who refuse to call themselves feminists do, it might really end up a man's world after all.

 

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Let me start off by saying that I am right. I am so right that I feel no need for political correctness, no need for intellectual discourse for the sake of intellectual discourse. Have you ever had on...
Let me start off by saying that I am right. I am so right that I feel no need for political correctness, no need for intellectual discourse for the sake of intellectual discourse. Have you ever had on...
 
 
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06:46 PM on 11/06/2012
The "straw feminist" stereotype is a myth. Feminism is all about equality and human rights. Equality is inherently NOT anti-male, let alone anti-anything.

I'm a feminist and proud. This article is so on point it isn't even funny.
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BarryMayor
12:27 PM on 11/07/2012
It is absolutely true that equality is not inherently anti-male.

However, the feminist VERSION of equality always ends up being anti-male and anti-equality, leaning away from males. THAT is the problem. If feminism were truly about equality for both genders, it wouldn't be so unpopular with women, including highly accomplished, intelligent, independent women like Marissa Mayer.
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BarryMayor
04:41 PM on 11/04/2012
If feminism wasn't so over-run by misandry it would be less unappealing to average women and men. If feminism was truly for equality for both females and males, the majority of women and men wouldn't reject it, as they do.
10:06 AM on 11/04/2012
The fact that you assume your right and go ahead and say there is no need for discourse is pretty much a decent summation of the current feminist movement, irony? Yes but mainly close-mindedness.

You are so wrong you make me want to slap you...hard. But it's ok because I would slap you regardless of your gender you sexist, manipulative, close-minded cow.
01:09 AM on 11/04/2012
The monolith of the feminist religion. Feminists love to chit chat about the many types of feminism but all of the multitude of feminist dogma is based on only two holy tenants.

First, a woman is born an innocent, divine infant and remains so her entire life. As she matures she maintains this innocense and divinity. She defines her own morals depending on what brand of feminist she is maintaining her divinity. Since an infant can do no wrong she also maintains innocense forever as well. She is an infant goddess.

Second is patriarchy, which is evil. From this simple formula all things flow. We have the innocent, good goddess made flesh, (woman) and we have the devil, (patriarchy, masculinity, maleness, man).

Say a woman cheats on her husband, divorces him, takes his child and forces him to pay for everything. She is innocent. How could she be otherwise, she's and infant and infants can't be blamed. He on the other hand, can be blamed. He somehow failed in his caring for the infant goddess. And the reason why he won't get equal custody is, patriarchy.

An infant can never be blamed, an infant is good, an infant doesn't know immorality so by defintion it can't be immoral. A man however is patriarchy. If a woman suppodts the patriarchy she supports the devil. The religion works for every occasion.
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jessjesskk
Benevolent Zombie Power
12:01 PM on 11/03/2012
Post 5 - LAST

There are of course countless of other factors (this is a multifactors issue, like everything in society : nothing can be explained with a single cause). Other important factors we can list are (i) religion of course which ingrain the sub-role of women in the psyche, (ii) cultural factors that incentivize women to look for "hard" men rather than for supportive ones, (iii) psychological factors that makes women feels they need to be "saved" (myth of the charming prince), etc...

All this combines to create a world where outcome is not equal. But the sad reality is that outcome is not equal between two white men depending on their family and personality... so why would anyone expect that men and women would as groups have equal outcomes?

Sorry for the length of this...
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jessjesskk
Benevolent Zombie Power
12:00 PM on 11/03/2012
Post 4
Which means that at 30, a woman with two children that has taken 6 month each time and that began to work at, say, 24, has already lost 16% of her experience compared to the male of the same age and experience. And on top of that she is more likely (on average...) to not network after work compared to the man of the same age.

What does this all mean? it means that out of 100 men and 100 women, you may have - and this is just an illustration this is not supposed to represent the actual numbers - 10 women that lose out because they will become "taken care of" by a man, and then 10 more that will not think it is useful to take the hardest classes in college and will focus on what they like rather than on what sells, etc, etc... and maybe another 10 would be "parked" at work after having had children. And you probably have 5 more that will actually chose to "downgrade" their job to follow their man while their man would not do it.

(To be continued in last post)
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Reith
what's a micro-bio?
05:22 PM on 11/03/2012
=Which means that at 30, a woman with two children that has taken 6 month each time and that began to work at, say, 24, has already lost 16% of her experience compared to the male of the same age and experience. And on top of that she is more likely (on average...) to not network after work compared to the man of the same age.

=> There were things that saddened me about feminism and one big one was this insistence on competing in a man's world by trying to imitate men. Why do feminists want to surrender to the slavery of large corporations? Why can't they emerge with a new system that could be crept across the world slowly but inexorably. I'm thinking of a few years ago (post-Greer and her bra-burning) when a few (mostly single parent) women set up a shop. They sold used clothes and many other things. They job shared, were adaptable regarding roles, and there was always one who managed the creche. The creche meant they could work in the knowledge one of their number was minding the kids.

It was a co-operative. It was collaborative.

I mean, women effectively have it set. They control fertility, with a little effort they could force the male hand. Why try to be men, or good at the same poseur-based organisational antics as men when there are FAR more fulfilling things to do with one's life?
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jessjesskk
Benevolent Zombie Power
11:50 AM on 11/04/2012
it's a coopetition world. It's not about what a subset of the population wants. it's about a world where all things matter where there is no "head" deciding something. It's about auto-organization by individuals each representing themselves and not a community.
Two women, two men, two white, two blacks, two disabled, ... people don;t align because they share one feature, even a core feature.
It's about humans having different characteristics individually, different ambitions and different aims. You're speaking about reproductive power. What about the woman who don;t want children? what about the man who want to be romantic and be a stay-at-home-dad?
In order to kill preconceived ideas that undermine not only women but anyone that does not come from a rich background, it is necessary to kill stupid traditions and basic ideas and other preconceived ideas. And "community" is one of those silly ideas.
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jessjesskk
Benevolent Zombie Power
12:00 PM on 11/03/2012
Post 3

And then comes the time to work. And with it comes the time to realize that life is not about being smart, it is about networking, it is about luck, it is about proactivity, it is about bonding with the right people, it's not that much about working hard or being smart in a vacuum. And this is also the time at which people begin to be couple and begin to have children, and the same time at which women begin to lose the charm of innocence of adolescence, the time at which more women begin to be less attractive to men. And they end up in a world that is much harder and harsher than they realized. And they also realize that bonding with people is harder than in the past where men just chased them. But it is often too late to realize the change, go back to university and fight for the top careers. Especially when social pressure ins there to put women as child carers and the culture is for women to have an acceptable "career" as "stay at home mom" being supported by their husband. And then women have children, and most of them take additional time to take care of the children.

(To be continued next post)
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jessjesskk
Benevolent Zombie Power
11:59 AM on 11/03/2012
Post 2:

I think that, while there is definitely still some discrimination against women, most of the residual difference comes from a numbers game that slowly snowballs to impact all women. This number games is as follows and is based on a core principle that society is sexual and men chase women culturally. And just to be clear in the below discussion, I speak ON AVERAGE (it is not supposed to represent all women or all men - by far - , just the fact that this is something that may break the equilibrium)

If you are a 15yo midly attractive girl you begin to see men chasing you, showering you in gifts, helping you, ... you grow up in a world that is structurally much less harsh than the real world. You have to fight less, you have to work less, you have to be less proactive in networking and relationship because things all come your way easily. Life is not as hard (on average again) than for the same 15yo guy who is incentivized to be more aggressive and assertive and work more and be more proactive in everything. And the girl, living in a less harsh world, feels less pressure (on average) to fight for the tough career path that will require a lot of work and a would potentially have better outcome.
And this is high school/ college and university. And the mantra is that being smart is important and that working hard is what matters.
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jessjesskk
Benevolent Zombie Power
11:58 AM on 11/03/2012
that's much more complex than that. Humans are not "equal". Two men are not equal in their chances and in their outcome. So why would you expect a man and a woman to be equal?

We are in a society where the sole rigid limits are dictated by law. And law is very clearly today giving at least as much rights to women as it gives to men. And indeed often slightly more. So difference between men and women cannot come from the law.

The other limits are partly educational, partly cultural, partly self-inflicted (usually as a result of cultural and educational limits). To complexify things even more, each person whether man or woman has a set of skills arising from his/her upbringing, and a set of circumstances arising from luck and social environment. And on top of that there is the pressure of society to come back to arbitrary "norms" that very often are just stupid traditions that people follow because they don;t want to think.

All this is creating "soft" limits that most people just abide to because they just don;t want to think those through. And these soft limits are the one that really count.

(To be continued next post)
12:38 AM on 11/03/2012
As far as how good of a writer you are, I think you shouldn't just be half joking. The only thing that I could think about during your entire diatribe is how you simply assert that you are right and that the other person is wrong without presenting any counter-evidence whatsoever. The other thought that runs through my head is how I will walk through my daily life, consistently noticing how women are not oppressed. In fact, if I look even closer, I find that women are afforded certain opportunities and rights that men aren't being afforded. I seriously don't understand this self-victimization mentality. For one, you actually have a platform for you to emit this incoherent diatribe. I ask again, where is your proof?
11:32 AM on 11/03/2012
"For one, you actually have a platform for you to emit this incoherent diatribe."

Yes, but we will always have irony to put a smile on the day! :D
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Lauren Oyler
02:21 PM on 11/03/2012
Just a quick response! As I state in my first paragraph, I am not concerned with being your tutor on feminism; that's not why I wrote this 900-word unpaid article for the Huffington Post Lifestyle blog. I wrote it to address the many smart people out there who are aware of feminism and what it really, truly stands for—not radical bra-burning, but an acknowledgment that there is deeply ingrained inequality as yet unfixed by the feminists who came before us—and yet refuse to adopt the label because of widespread misconception about the movement. The only thing your comment has demonstrated is that widespread misconception and proven my point: the world needs more unabashed feminists willing to tell you to shut the hell up, you're wrong. Again, I'm not going to explain the movement and why it's necessary to you; it's a complicated, nuanced thing, and there are better people who can do that, or you can visit one of the Internet's seemingly countless resources on the subject, though the poor reading comprehension skills you've demonstrated here suggest that perhaps there is no way you'll ever get it.
05:13 AM on 11/04/2012
I actually have been attempting to figure out what feminism actually is. Unfortunately for my efforts, what feminism is and means changes from source-to-source and person-to-person. I have heard that it's a movement and not an ideology. I have also heard that it is an ideology and not a movement. At the same time, I have heard that it is both an ideology and a movement. For those who believe it's a movement, I hear conflict between whether or not it is egalitarian. For those who say it's an ideology, I can't get a clear answer as to what that ideology is. What I do know is that it seems to be a something that aims to help women and that it centers around the idea of patriarchy. My issues with the theory of patriarchy could fill a book, so I won't go into that here.

While I am sure that Ariana Huffington and AOL Media appreciate your altruistic contributions to their for-profit publication, I am afraid that you actually do need to tutor people about why you're right when you need the support of society as a whole to your plight. It is one thing to make an effort to effect actual change. It is another entirely to post a rant designed to appeal to the intuition of the divine sisters of the YaYa Sisterhood. The rest of us need facts.
09:04 PM on 11/02/2012
The world is structured for and around men. We grow up to view that as normal life. We are supposed to be equal, yet men dominate everywhere you look. They govern every aspect of our lives, everywhere in the world, and that is normal. The route to a happy life for women is to ignore this truth, but for those who cannot, it is hard not to think there is something 'less' about you and your type. Women who 'annoy' those in power (men) are embarrassing to women plagued with this insecurity. Don't feminists know that we are an inferior model? To agree with men on the inappropriateness of feminist objection is, at least in your own mind, to remove yourself from the fundamental flaws of your gender.

The alternative is to recognize that you are a human being, as men are, as worthy of everything the world has to offer as men are. You see men around you who are less smart than you, less aware, less reliable in their judgement, less effective in their actions. You realize there is nothing wrong with you at all. Nor is there anything wrong with the other smart and valuable women you know and see, who are also subject to the authority of men simply because they are women, because it is normal. The alternative is to get angry, to do everything you can to change it. Feminists are 'annoying'? 'in-your-face'? Is that all? I hope not.
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minlshaw
08:45 PM on 11/02/2012
I distinctly recall mentioning to my friends - all quite liberal, mind you - that I had signed up for a course in American women's history. They scoffed that it was certain to be a fluff class because that wasn't "real" history and what could there really be to even talk about, etc. That told me quite a bit about just how much meaningful respect there is for women.

It's certainly true that there are various agendas and objectives within the feminist movement at large; there have been since the nascent days of Stanton and Anthony. That's okay. Different women have different needs, desires, goals and preferred methods of engagement. It's even okay for individual women to be content with their lives.

It's quite another to actively undermine the struggle of those who are dissatisfied. Ms. Oyler is quite right to be angry. I've always been more resentful of the people who whine "That's the way it's always been, that's the way it will always be, you're never gonna change it" than I have been of those who are the actual problem. If you don't care enough to change the world, that's on you. But why complain and undermine those who *do* care enough to fight? What does a person get out of saying, "Not only don't I care to make things better, but you shouldn't, either"? I will never understand that.
07:50 PM on 11/02/2012
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
07:48 PM on 11/02/2012
Jewish women and white women can only say: let them eat cake.
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DianaLynn1967
It's a great life if you don't weaken!
07:47 PM on 11/02/2012
Good editorial. Thanks for writing it!