I'm a bisexual man, no - I'm not lying, no - I'm not confused and no - I'm not gay.
I can safely say that at 25 years old, I am aware of what turns me on and what doesn't.
What's more, I LOVE being a bisexual man. Finding people sexy and interesting regardless of gender is a huge privilege. I've had some fun, met some interesting people and ultimately my life has gotten so much better since coming out as bi.
Unfortunately, a lot of people don't believe in bisexuality - the concept of choosing a person instead of swearing your allegiance to one type of genitalia is simply too much for some to comprehend. As a result, my life is a never ending loop of me answering the same ridiculous questions.
As it is BiVisibility Day, I thought I would take the opportunity to answer the top 15 questions I am asked so that once and for all the ignorant have their answers:
Top 15 questions bisexuals are asked:
Be honest you're gay right?
No, I'm bisexual, are you losing your hearing? What we have is a HUGE problem where men that are gay say they are bisexual to test the waters before finally coming out. Tom Daley and Ollie Locke being prime examples. This means that people now assume every bisexual man is on his way to becoming gay. The truth is these men were NEVER bisexual, they were always gay - they just didn't know/accept it at the time. I'm Bisexual and will be for the rest of my life - that's what the sexuality means.
What we really need now (In the modern world) is a new word to define those years of sexual exploration/confusion/denial because that word is NOT Bisexual!
You must prefer one or the other?
I get that this is tricky for some straight and gay people to understand but no I don't have a preference. Gender to me is irrelevant and that's not me trying to be a beacon of equality, it's just how my brain is wired. I date people for who they are not because of their genitals.
How many girls have you slept with compared to guys?
This is by far the most biphobic question of all. It usually follows me saying I don't have a preference. What people are hoping to get out of this question is my track record so they can say 'ow you've slept with way more women then guys? You're probably straight.' I don't have a preference! Stop trying to use my sexual history against me to justify your biphobia!
So you'll sleep with anyone?
Just because I don't select by gender doesn't mean I'm not selective. When you have double the options of an average person your 'type' becomes more specific. Think of it as being rich. If you had millions of pounds in the bank would you buy everything in the shop? Or would you develop a more refined taste for extraordinary, well-crafted items? That's what being bisexual feels like, you're looking for that rare, interesting and unique person, everyone else is boring.
Are you just confused?
No -It's pretty straight forward, 'I like men and women.' There, I just summed it up in four words. If you can't get your head around that Its probably YOUR intellect that needs examining.
Maybe you just don't know what you like yet?
Without being crude or oversharing - I've been with more than enough people to know exactly what I like.
But if you're dating a girl doesn't that make you straight?
No having a girlfriend changes my relationship status not my sexuality.
What does your girlfriend think?
Well much like a black man wouldn't date a racist, I'm not dating someone biphobic. The truth is my bisexuality makes my girlfriend like me that much more. She knows I'm not with her because I'm a lad and I'm obsessed with what's between her legs. She knows I'm with her for the person she is.
Don't the women you've sleep with find it weird that you've slept with men?
No, they're benefiting from it. Bisexual men are statistically better in bed. Let's face it, straight men can only understand sex from one perspective, bisexual men understand it from both. Plus if I'm with a guy and he has some good moves - I'll steal them.
Don't you miss sex with one when you're dating the other?
If you've ever been having sex with someone and thought to yourself 'I wish you were someone else' you're not doing it right and have clearly made some bad life choices. I've never found myself in that situation.
One way to explain this is how some men find blondes and brunettes attractive, if a guy gets in to a relationship with a brunette is he going to cheat on her with a blond just because he misses it?
Yes, when I'm in a relationship I'll be on the tube and think 'she's hot' or 'he's hot' but that's as far as it goes. I'm in a relationship for a reason, I'm not going to cheat, I have this weird thing called self-control.
Bisexual men are more likely to cheat though right?
Cheating is a personality trait not a sexuality trait.
So you're part of the LGBT community?
I would love to consider myself part of the LGBT community but sadly I can't in good conscious put my faith in these groups. Gay men are statistically more biphobic than straight people and many have a real lack of respect for Bisexuals. LGBT groups have proved time and time again that they haven't a clue what bisexuals want or how to look after them.
Why are you making such a big deal out of your sexuality?
Because people constantly tell me that I'm confused. Because people constantly tell my girlfriend I might be gay. Because people think they know more about what turns me on than I do. The UK has no famous bisexual men and a real lack of respect for bisexuals in general. I talk about my bisexuality because I want the younger bisexuals to at least have someone out there who understands and loves his life as a bisexual. The UK has no bisexual magazines, venues or socialising apps, where are the young bisexuals supposed to go to learn more about themselves and meet others like them?
Are you ashamed of your sexuality?
Hell no! My life is awesome!
Images by Andrew J Eastwood
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