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I Love Big Knickers Because...

08/06/2017 11:05 BST | Updated 08/06/2017 11:05 BST

I Love Big Knickers Because....

Oh come on, who doesn't? I love them because they are comfortable. The ones you can pull all the way up to your boobs. No, not the incredibly uncomfortable spandex ones that just push the fat up underneath your armpits so you have an extra pair of boobs. The nice, soft, cotton ones that don't roll down beneath your tummy apron; that constant reminder that you were probably the last person to have an operation before they invented keyhole surgery.

Visible panty line is a thing of the past when you've got your big knickers on, no tight hems highlighting all your lumps and bumps, digging in half way through your love handles accentuating your Michelin man physique. No silly triangles riding up your front and back bottom all day, flossing your lady's chamber with every step you take. I lose concentration quite easily at my age, if I'm not in my biggest knickers I will be adjusting them every five minutes, whatever company I'm in.

My favourite days of the week are the ones just after I've done my laundry. I don't have a whole week's worth of the best big knickers, just four pairs, four days of bliss. I'll approach that clothes airer with a spring in my step as I take the biggest pair and smile, safe in the knowledge everything will be in the right place that day.

My only real disappointment with my big knickers is that they started life as white knickers. I'm too lazy to separate my whites and coloureds, well I don't really have many white clothes. So I have big grey knickers. Totes embarrassing on the two occasions I found myself in A&E and had to strip off; coupled with the fact I was also wearing my white/grey bra!

I've heard women saying that they feel sexy if they're wearing lacy, ill fitting pants and matching bra. I wouldn't feel sexy on a date if I was constantly shuffling from one bum cheek to another, trying to free the G String from its strangle hold on my trapped pubes. Far from it. I certainly wouldn't feel sexy undressing to reveal my tummy apron in its black lace hammock, or my boobs spilling out over the top of my push up bra (picture melons housed in two eye patches sewn together, on second thoughts...don't!)

OK, being honest here... in my younger days, before babies, the menopause, an under-active thyroid and a penchant for beer and cheese... I did browse, and purchase, some delicate little frillies. They were reserved for the bedroom though, so I didn't need to suffer the torment of having to dress to suit my underwear. But, one of the MANY things I love about being fifty is not giving a damn (or pretending not to give a damn). Forget learning to feel comfortable in your own skin, I want, and do, feel comfortable in my clothes, especially my big knickers!