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Big Brother 14 Launch Night Review

17/06/2013 13:47 BST | Updated 15/08/2013 10:12 BST

After Thursday night's joke of a launch night, quite frankly I've seen enough to realise that what used to be THE best reality TV show around, has relinquished itself of all originality, humour and ability to actually come up with a proper twist, decent enough to excite any viewer. Between, the repulsively designed house layout, Emma Willis's wooden presenting and unsurprisingly the producers lack of charismatic housemates, the show continues to follow a downward spiral, which I have no doubt will result in Channel 5's cancellation sooner than expected - perhaps after they at least milk another couple of shit series' out of what dignity the producers have left of the show.

Firstly, as fond of Emma as I am, I couldn't help but notice how anxious she was. Bearing in mind this is Big Brother and she doesn't have the most intellectually minded audience to impress, what reason to be so nervous? Unfortunately for Emma, her debut appearance as host of the prime-time show was considerably wooden. Reading Twitter It appears most fans disagree, however I truly cannot comprehend where all the praiseworthy comments come from! People must be too easily pleased.

On the topic of presenters, the northern girl on 'Bit on the side' wasn't bad at all (what's her name again?), however I can't imagine anyone giving a shit about her whilst Rylan shares her centre stage! To be honest, although the Essex lad is talent-less, I think he's nearly bigger than the show himself. Saying that, what on god's earth has he done with the teeth?

Moving on to the assortment of housemates, it's clear that Big Brother have resorted to putting a diverse bunch in, rather than 2011's attempt at lumping together a bunch of fame-hungry 18 year old's in hope that they will do nothing but drink and shag on a daily basis. Nevertheless, although each housemate carries with them their own unique life story, a lot of them don't strike me as entertaining.

This year's crop of housemates include a pair of overweight socially inept twins, some sort of blonde Jodie Marsh wannabe who doesn't seem to know whether she's a plastic obsessed narcissist or butch lesbianesque rock chic, a "cougar" who looks more like a witch, a self obsessed wanker who allegedly gets off on spending 120k on a night out, another rich bitch who although has enough money to live in the Savoy hotel for six months on end has nothing good about herself to offer and a number of forgettable non-entities. The only interesting housemate so far is the raving hippy lesbian Wolfy, who seems to be the first original personality I've seen as of yet.

Did I forget to mention Big Brother also put in a MOLE this year!? I'd consider the producers to be about seven series late for that trick, although the "professional", or should I say failed actor does put on quite a funny act. The others have definitely fallen for it!

Overall the launch nights were pretty mediocre. Channel 5's decision to launch the show in two parts is a clear attempt to maintain ratings hoping that once viewers tune into both episodes their eyes will miraculously glue themselves to the screen which let's be honest, is highly unlikely. The only thing my eyes can't stop looking at is Rylan's set of ugly new teeth which I can't seem to grasp why someone would waste so much money on.

As I'm a committed fan of the show, there's no way I can stop watching this early and abandon the series already (at least for the purpose of criticising it over Twitter). Hoping BB actually do live up to the hype they've caused - cheap hype, as the majority of marketing was done all over Twitter, I'm still anticipating better twists and an interesting concept to all this "Secrets and Lies" malarkey. Better pull your finger out BB!