Ok, so I've spent today looking for and applying for JOBS! Oh yes, JOBS in the actual real life world! JOBS that don't involve wiping Tiny Human bums. JOBS that don't involve using chocolate biscuits (hell chocolate anythings) as bribes. JOBS where I actually have to get dressed to turn up for! And, I've go to admit, Its been bloody weird!
I have not done this for over 4 years! FOUR whole years since I was last employed! FOUR years since I actually left the house to go to work, where I had my own desk, my own clients and wore HEELS EVERY DAY!!
YES. EVERY. DAY.
Not just on the radom-rarer-than-a-lie-in-post-baby night out (off)!
Weird, Weird, WEIRD!!
So alongside my wondering if I can include my new skills of being able to breastfeed whilst changing a pooey bum and being able to pick up teeny tiny pieces of plastic crap faster than the speed of light onto my "updated" CV, I've also had to draft a cover letter for said "updated" CV.
Now, I'm going to be honest, I started to type out the bog standard "Dear Sirs, I am writing to apply for/find out if you have any job opportunities I may be suitable for, blah, blah blah and had to stop myself as it was just not me and I felt I was peddling a pile of Bullshit. Therefore, in true No Bull Mum style I've instead drafted the following letter and wanted to get some opinions on it. Is it too honest? Is it a bit too unhinged verging on the "Do NOT employ this crazy loon who likens herself to a terrier"? Should I instead go back to something safer, more traditional, more grown up? And, most importantly, if I do send this out will I ruin my chances of ever being employed by the fully functioning normal world at large again?
(God I hope you answer no to the last question as I've already sent it out to 17 companies!! Yes I know....Too trigger happy on the old gmail front or what?!?)
So here goes...is this the CV cover letter guaranteed to open the doors to all riches or land me as the crazy mum too honest to employ?:
I hope you're well and having a good week!
Now, I am a big believer in honesty, therefore, I want to be as open with you as possible for the reasons I am getting in touch.
I am a mum of two Tiny Humans (aged 2.5 and 4 years of age) and pre motherhood I was a high flying, career loving, determined go-getter. So much in fact that I was nicknamed the "terrier" by a client of mine who reassured me that it was a compliment and didn't in fact mean I was a small, hairy and slightly aggressive creature with a high pitched bark and a taste for peoples ankles.
Thankfully for her and my ego, I took it as a compliment and was quite proud of the title, as I knew she was right. I was a "terrier". I was determined beyond belief. I let nothing stop me. I loved working with people and I always got the job done (no matter the amount of metaphoric ankles I needed to sometimes bare my teeth at). Add into the mix a dose of being able to get on with people and have some fun along the way, and I can tell you, hand-on-heart that I loved my career and loved working with my clients and my colleagues. It made me tick and made up a huge part of who I was.
What I found was that once you become a Mother, this side of your personality, this part of what once made you who you are can become muted and at times totally lost, leaving you questioning whether you were actually ever that person in the first place? And if so where the hell has she disappeared too, and will she ever return? You find yourself caught between a board room and a changing table as you would never wish for a life where you were just the terrier without the adage of Tiny Humans but also wish the terrier would make a return and bare her teeth just for old times sake.
It's taken 4 years, two Tiny Humans, a country move, overcoming a maternal mental illness, writing a book, getting an agent, losing an agent and then getting a book deal with one of the UK's leading publishers (following two years of being told no one would publish it) to make me realise that the fire in my belly that once escalated me to "terrier" status is finally re-lit and I am now ready to start doing one of the things I do best - working and helping make a positive difference.
Therefore, with this in mind I have been researching local companies I feel my skill set would work well with and have attached my CV for you to look over with a view to finding out if you have any part-time or freelance opportunities you feel I would be a good fit for?
I know this email is probably not the "standard" type of introduction you get from potential employees, however, one thing I have discovered about myself over the last 38 years is that I am anything but the "standard" bill. Therefore, I have decided to own this fact, in the hope that other non "standard" employers will be looking for exactly this.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my email and hope to hear your thoughts on my CV.
Please let me know what you reckon! Oh and a MASSIVE shout out to all fellow mums treading the path back to employment!
If you like what you've read and you want more, then please come and join the #nobsmumrevolution with thousands of fellow no bull mums by liking my Facebook page, following my blog and keeping up with all my crazy mum anctics on Instagram and twitter @thebabybible. You can also join my secret Facebook group by emailing me firstname.lastname@example.org. Here's to supporting ALL mums - NO Judgement!