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What Kind of Week Has It Been? 4 April, 2014

04/04/2014 10:25 BST | Updated 03/06/2014 10:59 BST

The additional two fruit and veg in the diet of news

This has been a week disproportionately affected by endings. The How I Met Your Mother finale brought Ted Mosby's rambling and often wildly inappropriate story to his kids to a conclusion that had mixed reviews, which I won't divulge lest I sound the spoilers klaxon. But if you're interested, the most interesting thesis was that the story was essentially that of a classic piece of 19th century literature. If someone discovers an unpublished Dickens manuscript titled The Slutty Pumpkin, the comparison will be truly spooky.

So talked about was the finale that some people suggested it was an elaborate April Fool and it couldn't be the real ending. It wasn't a bluff, and so top pranks go to Pokemon Mastery and the scientific value of Comic Sans. In the States typefaces were a big topic of discussion this week, as a 14 year old's proposal to make font economies really gained traction. Times New Roman's day may not actually be done just yet, but plenty of other things have gone by the wayside this week beyond government reports or the adventures of Ted Mosby.

Like straight people's monopoly on marriage in the UK, for instance. As of yet, gay marriage hasn't risen up to swallow us whole like the marshmallow man in Ghostbusters, so that's a UKIP manifesto point already off the list. To compound the bad news for heterosexual idiots, Nuts magazine has also gone south, and not in the "Wahey, pictures of Lucy Pinder's drawers!" sense. Their downfall has been blamed on, quite evocatively, "a tsunami of internet porn". I'm sure if you looked hard enough for erotica based around the maritime effect of a volcano eruption, I'm sure you'd find it.

Almost around as long as people looking for the most convenient way to find tits, the gate at Trinity College, Dublin came to an unfortunate end this week too, as someone rammed it to bits with their car. Despite the horrible vandalism, the jokes were inevitable and brilliant.

The same goes for the second debate (I know, right?) between Comedy Nige and Nick Clegg, European Gigolo. I fancy myself as a kind of political Quincy MD, but even I can't quite locate the exact moment Nick Clegg's political career died. Was it college fees? The AV debacle? Auto-tuning? Did it die on arrival with the PM in the Rose Garden? Whatever the case, losing a debate to a cross between Gordon Gecko and Bertie Wooster is a few extra bullets in his body politic. When you lose a Man of The People, Biggest Outsider contest to a former stockbroker who's occupied the Euro bubble for 15 years, something's gone badly wrong. Farage has been all over the news this week, as Channel 4 ran a documentary about him titled Nigel Farage: He Doesn't Even Go Here. I may have got that title wrong.

Maybe Channel 4 are concerned Farage will pull off an electoral coup a la Le Front National in local French elections, as they increased their stock greatly and the Socialists took a frightening hammering. The citizens of Beziers have found out pretty quickly what electing an FN Mayor can do for business, as their sister city Stockport want a divorce and Toulon don't fancy playing rugby with them.

As Beziers' looks inwards and nobody else wants to come anyway, Kwasi Enin ends his High School on a pretty good note: college offers from All The Ivy League Things. Compare that stunning piece of academic achievement with the antics of Education Secretary Michael Gove, who sent the country into cringe shock following his Wham Rap to a bunch of Primary Schoolers. Is teaching kids about Andrew Ridgeley on the syllabus now? As with HIMYM, there's no link to the spoilers, because seeing it will spoil your ability to lead a happy life.