Before we go any further, let's be clear, I am not actually comparing my figure to the amazing curves belonging to Christina Hendricks. As much as I wish that being a top heavy hourglass was all it took to be the equal of the Mad Men goddess, deep down I know otherwise.
However, it turns out that being a shape roughly in the same spectrum as Ms Hendricks means we share a shopping pet peeve: swimwear.
"It's really hard to find a bathing suit if you have breasts," she says in her interview with Lucky magazine this month. "You either get smooshed down or there's no support." It was all I could do to stop myself shouting "Preach on sister!" in the middle of the office.
But then I felt a little depressed. When even Christina Hendricks can't find someone to make her a suit that fits, what hope do the rest of us have?
If you're above a C cup, shopping for a swimsuit is a fool's errand. Unless you are willing to rock a top that is little more than a pasty with strings, a la Pamela Anderson, your options are limited.
What I can't understand is this: the lingerie industry can make bras for big cup sizes that are at once supportive and reasonable to look at, so why is the swim industry so incapable of doing the same?
Yes, there are a few specialist companies that make a handful of passable suits, but in a world driven by consumer choice, it is slightly offensive that so few options exist. It's hardly like having boobies puts you in a minority so small it can't be profitable and yet, those (no doubt mostly men) who design bathing suits seem to find breasts completely baffling.
Being busty is not the same as being plus-sized. Having a larger bosom does not automatically mean you want a tankini or a clutter of ruffles on every trim. Adding underwires to a standard bikini top sounds like a good idea, but attaching a halter neck renders the suit useless (who would want to walk around with two heavy weights slung around their neck?). And finally, the market for these bikinis includes not just women looking to cover up, but also those looking to flaunt their figure in something that actually flatters their body type.
If I had been blessed with an entrepreneurial spirit I would have long ago stopped whinging and set about fixing the problem while making my first million, but clearly I am all talk and no action. Christina however seems poised to rescue us both. After expressing her frustrations to Lucky she oh so casually mentioned she had been doing some sketches of new designs with her husband.
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