Today, I have been sorting out a course that I am running for a group of young women on empowering women. These are young women from disadvantaged backgrounds, who are coming to the end of a two year training course to be able to change the course of their lives.
I was sent the outline of the course by the company that wants me to run it. Somewhere in my 'haze' of day to day life and being menopausal at the same time...I am ashamed to say...I am not as empowered as I thought I was!
The course runs for a day and a half. On the first session, it talks about self confidence.
Now, as a middle aged girl, I like to think I have self confidence in abundance! But the first line on the outline I have been sent states: "Women usually look after everyone but themselves" and how to get around that.
When I first read this line - I was quite offended, I was, 'no we don't', 'we have come so far', 'this is not something I do'
Then I realised....it is something we all do. No matter how hard we try to be selfish, and how hard we try to 'empower' ourselves...It seems to be 'inbuilt' into us. My mother is a prime example of this - she always seems to be looking out for others and never for herself (obviously, the selfish gene is getting stronger with each generation, because I am not nearly as unselfish as her!)
Of course, we all have our selfish days, and we have moments we say no to people when they want things...but I for one know that this goes against everything my inner self is telling me!
I read the entire outline of this course, and know that I will be able to train it in to the group, and to speak confidently about it...but do I practice what I preach every day of my life? Well, no!
I tend to worry about others. I tend to worry about work. I can't sleep properly when I am worried, and this means I get up very early every morning - sitting outside on my balcony drinking coffee watching the sunrise.
I find it hard to say no, or to not try to fix other people's problems without fixing my own.
I know that one of the symptoms of menopause is difficulty sleeping, but if I am honest, this has been a problem my entire life!
Today, in Vietnam (where I live right now!) is is Women's Day...the Vietnamese celebrate their own Women's Day in October, as well as the International one in March (other countries, take note!!).
So, maybe it is time to draw a line in the sand...stop worrying about others all the time, and the things I cannot control, and become more selfish!
Luckily it is Friday - so when I get home, time to drink a glass of wine and to dance around my living room to Helen Reddy - I am woman!
That will be the start! So, go away 'inner self'!! Feeling more empowered already!
Mags xx