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Welcome to Generic Park? - 'Jurassic World' Review

15/06/2015 16:27 BST | Updated 14/06/2016 10:59 BST

There's a scene in the original Jurassic Park when Samuel L Jackson decides to re-boot the eponymous complex's computer system.

It takes place within a matter of seconds, but as any fan of the series will tell you, it's been 14 years since Jurassic Park III bowed out of cinemas and restarting the film saga has taken a lot longer.

At one point, rumour has it that writer director John Sayles came up with an idea about dinosaur human hybrids. I would have loved to see that daring premise in action.

But that version fell by the wayside, and eventually Steven Spielberg and writer director Colin Trevorrow (maker of terrific low-budget sci-fi comedy thriller Safety Not Guaranteed), along with a few others, came up with the idea for Jurassic World.

Basically it's more of the same, 22 years later, with a gene-spliced dinosaur antagonist.

I really wanted to hate the much hyped third sequel to 1993's groundbreaking blockbuster.

The whole thing looked incredibly generic, albeit on a bigger scale thanks to the advancement in technology over the past 22 years.

For the first half, my zero expectations seemed to be met. Bryce Dallas Howard was incredibly annoying as Claire, the corporate stooge/useless aunt to the integral kids in peril. She came across as one of the stupidest people in the saga.

Walking action figure Chris Pratt had all the appeal of an animated mannequin.

As Owen, he seemed to have one fixed expression throughout the movie; It may have been deliberate so the dinosaurs would appear more characterful.

Irfan Khan was terrific in Life of Pi, terrible here as the big cheese behind the eponymous arena, like he'd wandered in from another movie. He never conveyed a sense of gravitas or peril.

So many movies bore me, falling apart in the third act, but JW was a welcome surprise, generating some great moments, including a clever kids in hamster ball scene and that finale - the best since the original.

Yes, there were gargantuan problems, like the lack of build up when the big bad wanders out of its enclosure (like it had just nipped down the shops). And the obvious 'secret' component which made up the hybrid dinosaur villain: something anyone with a brain cell would have thought of; the fact it takes Owen most of the movie to figure it out is hilarious.

Oh, and it also has the funniest third act heroine hair since Shailene Woodley's disastrous 'do in Insurgent. And the less said about those awful closing lines the better.

Of course the half a billion dollar haul in the first three days means a fifth movie is now in the pipeline. Probably a bad idea, unless the makers shake up that "caucasian affluent kids in peril" formula.

Personally I'd like to see a fifth movie made on a London council estate, like Attack the Block, or something, anything different from what's come before.

For now, see it in IMAX 3d Dbox, with all the whistles and bells you can.

And if you have ankle biters, expect nightmares. Fantasy violence can still mess with young heads, regardless of what lenient rating (12A) a blockbuster like this gets.

To paraphrase the BBFC: 'Moderate threat, occasional bloody moments, action violence... and some really stupid characters.'