1. Every single time you leave the house with small children in tow, you wonder why, why, why you didn't do an online shop - despite thinking, 'this time it will be different...'.
2. Within 10 minutes, there is usually a nappy disaster - and you don't have any supplies - you spend half the allocated time either in the changing facilities, or in the back seat of the car and lose your allocated time.
3. Yes there is allocated time - you have approximately 22 minutes to do a full shop before IT ALL KICKS OFF (IAKO) - we're talking tantrums, crying, whinging, whining.
4. All food rules go out of the window - your negotiation skills are at a minimum - you allow any snacks to be eaten in fear of IAKO.
5. You begin to wonder if Dale is going to appear from Supermarket Sweep (circa 1993, Google it) and ponder if the programme will return to TV and if so, seriously consider applying for it as you know you can shop waaayy faster.
6. You purchase the whole contents of the shop but when you're home you realise you only have two meals for the week AND you didn't get what you went in for - which was the whole point of going.
7. You curse those damn marketers - they know small children have toy radars so they place Disney/Marvel/Star Wars related items at the end of the Spaghetti aisle where you think you're safe.
8. You end up having rules that only apply to the supermarket - e.g. you must stay in the trolley, the deal is we won't be buying any toys today, but these small people forget (and are clever) - the temptation is just far too great and then suddenly... IAKO.
9. People stare at you - not because your children are whining, but because you're singing Spider-Man loudly in unison and have made up a rap where 'ham' rhymes with 'jam' and, er flan? - it's all strategic to keep the pace going, can't they see that?
10. You make it to the car with no scrapes - your food shopping has all fallen out of the bags, you have rice cakes stuck in your hair and you can't find your keys... but you're free, you've made it and you are on the home stretch. Or as a friend puts it (thanks Josie Louise Brocksom!), "I want to wrap myself in foil and drink Lucozade when I come back from the supermarket with my two..."
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