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The Five Worst Charity Names

05/01/2016 13:32 GMT | Updated 04/01/2017 10:12 GMT

I think charities are excellent. If that statement is too controversial for you then start penning that complaint comment right now. The government's very own website has lots of useful advice for anyone wanting to start a charity. Including this gem:

"Choose a unique, memorable name that people will remember when they are deciding to make a donation or looking to volunteer."

It seems obvious, it is advice that applies to anything that requires naming: companies, streets and babies. Yet we are still left with such classics as Your Therapist, Cumming Street and "Prince George of Cambridge". I mean genuinely, did PGoC's parents really think it through? That kid is going to get seriously hammered as soon as he gets to school, my guess of hurtful nicknames:

Prince Gorge on CumBridge

Prick George Takes Umbrage

The Artist Formerly Known as Prince George of Cambridge

Kids can be cruel. And will be cruel.

Setting up a charity is a noble commitment and a big job, so don't hamstring yourself with a bad name. It'd be like having a first date in a hotel room: things might go well, you might really like each other and using a trouser press is really good fun but it's quite the first impression. Here's the five most questionable charity names I could find:

Tropical Biology Association

No one wants to donate to a charity TBA. Arrested Development covered that, though something tells me the board at Tropical Biology Association don't spend time watching AD, what they actually do is TBA.

Operation Noah

First guess, it's a madcap scheme to build an ark and corral a gang of animals, then convince them not to eat each other. YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY MONEY AGAIN.

Canine Partners

There's been a rising tide of niche dating websites: uniform dating, gluten free dating, farmer dating and blazing a doob dating. But you'll excuse me if the idea of either interspecies dating OR dogs using the internet to track down sniff buddies is too off-putting to cough up a donation.

Shark Guardian

Do you know what? If a shark needs left wing news then it can go start its own media conglomerate, with its own money. Bloody sharks, coming over here, demanding news that appeals to their political ideology. My money is not being squandered again, I got burnt by The Owl Express (both the avian newspaper and the nocturnal train service).

Ladies Who L-Earn

Ladies Who L-Earn? What is "L-Earning"? It doesn't work, it doesn't make sense. What does the L stand for? Is it supposed to make it look modern like E-Mail? L is the starting letter for a lot of words: Lung, Lute, Luge, Log, Lateral, Literature, Lobster, Lateritious, Labia. TELL ME WHAT THE L IS FOR AND YOU GET MY MONEY.

And if you think, hey nice article Stuart, then perhaps come over to my hotel room. It's the Elephant Butte Inn at the end of Cumming Street, just behind the Your Therapist headquarters.

A disclaimer here, which is, I hope obvious, but should be clarified. I'm not criticising the work of these charities, or the people that work for them, they're doing good work (I assume) and they're good people (I assume). I actually made a sitcom about a group of good people, trying their best to run a charity out of a spare bedroom and it'd be lovely if you wanted to give that a watch.

Charity Starts At Home