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Getting Out of the 'Friend Zone'

11/07/2014 15:21 BST | Updated 10/09/2014 10:59 BST

Men often complain that the women they fancy relegate them to the 'friend zone' - a pitiful state in which they are desexualised and, painfully, often forced to hear about the man woes of the woman they wish would view them romantically. And it works the other way too; women often find themselves too far into a 'friendship' to then redefine themselves as a dating prospect. Then there is the hoary issue of potentially destroying the friendship if you explicitly state your intentions. If he or she rejects you, you may have to grow a really thick skin or resign yourself to either awkwardness at parties thrown by mutual friends or, more annoyingly, get a whole new circle of friends.

2014-07-11-JohnnyCassellimage2.jpgJohnny Cassell (check out the handsome man to your left) is the expert celebrities turn to when they want relationship advice. I asked him to give us the low-down on how to woo a pal without making a balls-up of your social life.

If you've always fancied a friend of yours and you suddenly both find yourself single, how do you signal that you're interested without ruining the friendship if he or she does not feel the same way? 

The reason why you are both just friends with each other is because you never actually showed sexual interest. Therefore you never really saw each other as a sexual threat. I teach people natural and authentic skills that they can implement in their social and dating life. Here are three very subtle natural ways to turn up the heat:

1) Eye contact

Hold eye contact to build tension between you both. You are not the nervous twitcher that can't look someone in the eyes for five minutes. You are a confident person.

2) Be more touchy-feely 

Start to gesticulate more when you talk to them, from here you can easily roll off a natural touch when expressing yourself to them. The more we climb up the touchy-feely ladder, the more we condition the body towards more exciting things...

3) Slow down

Again by slowing down and focusing on the tonality of your voice, you increase the tension between you both. It is also a state transference. If you're comfortable, they're comfortable. 

By implementing these tips you can gauge their response and take a judgment based on that.

Is it wrong to use 'I see you more as a friend' as a rejection ploy? Do you think we're capable of being friends with people we fancy who then reject us? 

Always be transparent where you are with things and as much as it hurts to be on the receiving end of the 'I see you more of a friend' line, it is much more appreciated to be black-and-white than to be led down the garden path. Being at a state of uncertainty is only exciting at the beginning of meeting someone, not throughout. There comes a point where you need to know the direction of where things are going. 

There is no harm in being friends with someone it didn't really work out with. However, I always say let your emotions pass before you re-engage in this type of friendship. This involves time and is something I mention in my guide How to Get Your Ex Back. Time is a key instrument in the process of mending and repairing a relationship of various kinds. You cannot rush back into something for whatever reason if you are not emotionally ready. 

Is it possible to stay friends with an ex? What should you think about when deciding to remain friends with an ex? 

It is only possible to be friends with an ex once emotions have passed, as I stated before. Always think why it didn't work between you both and understand that this person doesn't have the right qualities you need for a relationship.

It is important to make sure that person has moved on in their head and in person to be able to only see you as a friend, otherwise it's not going to work.

Follow Johnny on www.twitter.com/@Johnny_Cassell