You see I've come to realise that my security and wellbeing does not lie with how much money is in my bank account. In fact it doesn't really matter if there is 158.50 or 158,000 in my bank account, that warm feeling that I have inside, that loving feeling is there regardless of how much money I do or don't have.
I used to believe that the amount of money I earned and had stashed away would give me that feeling of security that I so desperately craved. But funnily enough when I started earning more and had lots of mula in the bank I was still feeling insecure! What the hell was going on?
Over the last year I've been on what you could call a journey (I prefer to think of it as a return to who I truly was before my mind got contaminated with thought). I was shown an understanding that allowed me to reach to that part of myself I always knew existed but I believed the only access route was through an external force...my bank account, a dream holiday, expensive clothes, yoga, meditation ..the list goes on and on. I was under the impression that my bank balance reflected my value and worth in life and when I had no money I was miserable and when I had money I was too scared to spend it in case I ran out. What resulted was this huge anxiety around the subject of money and we all know that when there is a blockage nothing is going to flow.
So what's changed? It's simple. My mindset. I know now that when I feel insecure it is just simply my mood in the moment. It has no reflection on my outside reality. My mood does not know about my bank balance, my job, my relationships. My mood is just that, a mood.
When we get a nice feeling and we happen to be doing something. we attribute that feeling to the activity that we are doing in that given moment, or the person we are spending time with or the place we are in. But no, the mood, the nice feeling is always coming from us. It can only come from us. Just like when we are stressed we think it's our jobs, our family, our location but no it's our mood in that given moment.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes you are at work and you are not stressed? You enjoy your day and you might even feel a little happy? This is because our moods are constantly changing. What happens is we take them seriously and we think they are going to last forever. We panic and look for a fix. A trick. A tip. We want that feeling to go away and when it does, bingo we think it's because of what we did. But what if I told you that our moods are literally like clouds in the sky. A storm that passes through and just like the weather there is nothing you can do to change it. You acknowledge it and go about your day. If we spent all of our time trying to change the weather we would be exhausted and our actions would be futile. Oh wait ...we do. We are always trying to change our moods, trying to be positive and you know what it's exhausting.
Don't take my word for it. Try and let go of your attachment to money and see what happens. Spend it like it's going out of fashion. Look at it for what it really is...a piece of paper with a number printed on it. Nothing more. The value it holds has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Don't give money so much importance and you might just find it changes your life just a little bit.