It's that time of year again: excitement in the air, cheesy songs on the radio, an indescribable feeling of fun and joy in your heart.... yep, that's right, it's Britney's birthday week!
My love for Britney runs pretty deep (we're talking fancy dress, dance routines, an appearance on the World's Greatest Tribute to Britney that was televised on BBC Three... you know, normal sort of stuff).
But even if you don't know all the moves to ...Baby One More Time (poor you), you can't deny how much Ms Spears has taught us over the years. From how to move your tongue in a half-suggestive/half-turtle-esque manner, to knowing that just because you once OWNED the red pvc look, does not mean you can't also be a keen purveyor of khaki-coloured sweatpants.
So what better way to honour Godney (obviously that's what we call her), than with a list of the 11 most important things we can learn from her this year alone? Exactly. Happy birthday, Britney.
1. Do show up to your lingerie collection launch... braless
You don't need a bra. You're Britney.
2. Join Tinder
...because even popstars with millions of pounds and a see-through bodysuit made almost entirely of diamonds in their wardrobe need love.
3. Know it's okay if someone leaks a video of you singing badly
You are a dancer first and foremost. Never forget that.
4. Really work on perfecting your talents
Then share said talent with the world.
5. Be aware that no Britney pun is a pun too far
(Even if it's not actually a pun at all)
6. Don't worry about public health messages
I mean, why should what looks suspiciously like a packet of cigarettes stop you posting a photo to 40mil followers?
Studio today! Yay! pic.twitter.com/qmMtNgNnvJ— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) September 5, 2014
7. Tired of people accusing you of drinking too many starbucks?
THIS'LL SHOW 'EM
8. Choose a day and name it after yourself
No, seriously, any day. In fact, the less relevant it is to you, the better.
Today is already so special... :) #HappyBritneyDay— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) November 5, 2014
9. Remember that horses are everything
Saddle up... pic.twitter.com/7FXh9VumFQ— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) October 9, 2014
10. Let yourself go every once in a while
Do something NO ONE would expect. And then put that ker-azy shizzle all over the internet.
11. And lastly, as the old internet adage goes...
...if Britney can make it through 2007, you can make it through today.
I genuinely frickin' love you, Britters. Have a good one.Suggest a correction