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I'm Not Angry, I Just Have a Bitchy Face

24/10/2014 14:31 BST | Updated 24/12/2014 10:59 GMT

It was a normal Tuesday morning in London. I was in a rather pleasant mood as I trundled towards the Tube on my way to work, simply minding my own business. I think commuter time is good thinking time, so I was contemplating some of my plans for the day whilst waiting for the Piccadilly Line when out of nowhere this guy approaches me...

'Smile.' He says.

I look around. Is he talking to me?

'Yeah you.' He says smugly, looking right at me.

'Smile, love. It might never happen.'

And there it was. One of the most annoying things you can say to someone after 'Where are you from... no really?' and 'You look tired.'

Smile? Seriously? I'm left standing there thinking: what the f**k just happened here!?

I mean, firstly the sentence doesn't even make sense.

I mean, what might never happen? What's 'it'? I don't get it. What are you talking about? Is it a threat? Are you concerned? I have no idea.

Secondly, what are you implying about my face?

Was the monsieur suggesting I looked upset? Did I look angry? IS IT MY FAULT I HAVE RESTING BITCH FACE?!?!

And what's the 'love' bit all about? I ain't your love. Was he trying to patronize me?

I know, I know, I should rise above this kind of tattle and subvert my energy towards more pressing matters like how scientists can cure travel sickness, but this one comment really got my goat and quite frankly ruined my journey. In fact, I spent the entire day thinking about it - stewing over it - trying to come up with a good comeback.

Then I began to ponder... what if I did take his advice and SMILE ALL THE TIME?

I mean, what would you think?

I'll tell you what you'd think. You'd think I was f**king weird that's what. And creepy. There is no winning with people that ask someone to 'cheer up'.

Did it ever occur to you that I'm happy? Or that maybe, JUST MAYBE, this is just my gawd damn natural facial expression? OR that smiling is tiring!?

If I wasn't annoyed before, I CERTAINLY AM NOW. Excellent.

It's a real problem. Many women suffer with the condition of Resting Bitch Face (RBF), also known in the States as Bitchy Resting Face.

I hope that together we can change the perception of bitchy-faced people the world over, and that one day we shall all be able to travel the Tube together in sweet, sweet harmony...

For more on love, life and joy visit aliljoy.com.