PARENTS

Dropping The P-Bomb: Darling, I'm Pregnant

20/08/2011 16:17 | Updated 22 May 2015
Pregnancy testRex Features

You've heard of the A-bomb, and perhaps the H-bomb. You may not know that there's also a P-bomb: the moment a guy is told that he is going to be a dad. 'P' standing for 'pregnant', of course, not 'pee'. That'd be disgusting.

Of course, in our simple man-minds, the moment we are given this world-shifting news is a very simple affair: we're sat at home, perhaps, or maybe the news comes via a phone call as we're sat in the park beneath a cloudless sky on green grass with fluffy rabbits nibbling at our feet. And explosions. (There's always explosions in a man's fantasy, regardless of the context.)

But it doesn't always go as swimmingly as we imagine. I was driving to work when I found out I was going to be a dad for the first time. I received a photo message, and - foolishly - opened it whilst on the road. It was a picture of a positive pregnancy test, with the caption 'Ready to be a dad?' If you want to know what my reaction was, ask the poor old lady who was almost mown down after I swerved in shock.

When Amelia found out she was pregnant, she instantly rang her husband at work. He was in a conference at the time, surrounded by very high-brow clients and solicitor types, and so had the unenviable task of trying to remain calm and professional. "When he answered the phone he said 'Oh, that is excellent news; however I will have to get back to you.'" she remembers. "It was hysterical - I have no idea how he remained so calm!"

You'd struggle to find any hint of romance in 'AugustMum's story of how she and her partner found out they were expecting. Having found out that she was pregnant, she told him as they walked to his halls. He didn't believe her, and so they marched to Asda and bought a few armfuls of bottled water. What happened next could be quite disturbing to those of a mild disposition.

"I promptly drank more than should probably be consumed, and hovered over the sink in his halls room with a carefully placed wine glass in between my legs," she recalls, wistfully. "Safe to say the test was positive, and he proceeded to drink a large bottle of gin. I doubt I'll be telling my child this story."

'Stunned's story also involves bodily fluids, so look away now (sorry). She and her other half had been trying to conceive for two years, with no luck - and so they went for testing. He was rather embarrassed about having to provide his sample, which he did in the comfort of his own home. His anxiety was not helped when, upon arriving at the hospital clutching the fruit of his loins, the receptionist held the pot up to the light and remarked "Yep, that should be enough!"

The next day 'Stunned' realised that she was a few days late, and so took a test: it came back positive. Excited, she texted her partner to tell him to come home early. When he did, she got the stick and "waved it in his face. His first reaction was to say 'Congratulations'; all very formal, like he had nothing to do with it. Then, about 15 minutes later, it was 'Are you sure?' followed by 'Wow...oh wow...wow' for a good while!"

But then something made him stop in his tracks, and he turned to her.

"Do you mean I did all that yesterday for nothing?!"

Suggest a correction