wheres lie-cester?

the reporting is def hit and miss on here

It was a flock of cows that escaped on to the road after someone left the gate open.

'Elf n safety experts carrried out an immediate risk assessment using helicopters and determined that there was a serious risk as they had no up to date records of how many of the police, fire and ambulalnce personnel were known to be allergic to bulls**t.

In order to protect members of the public as well as emergency services it has been decided to set up a cordon 20 miles around the incident and troops equipped with Nuclear Biological suits are being flown in to enforce this cordon.

Latest news is that the delays are likely to last until mid next week as attempts to contact the farmer by dropping messages from the air have failed so far.