The Home Office's desire to end every new civil order scheme with the letter 'o' has resulted in the issuing of 'Dumbos' for particularly stupid crimes.
The move follows Theresa May's decision to ruin the word 'Crimbo' for everyone who has ever used it to mean Christmas.
"This is typical of the current government," said Shadow Home Secretary Yvette Fielding. "Not content with spoiling Christmas, they've now destroyed our affection for a cartoon elephant with huge floppy ears."
Opponents of 'Dumbos' also point to the risks involved in slapping orders on spectacularly dumb criminals.
"There is a real danger that these new orders will result in more and more stupid people being sent to prison," said Vicki Hello-Mattcardle, director of the Stupid Criminal Justice Alliance. "When there, they will simply eat their own shoes and watch The Jeremy Kyle Show. Although, to be fair, at least they won't escape."
What these two Tennessee <a href="http://www.tennesseecriminallawyerblog.com/2009/11/men_use_permanent_marker_to_create_burglary_disguise.html" target="_hplink">would-be robbers</a> taught us by trying to "disguise" themselves by covering their face in black magic marker is that there is never, ever a good reason to apply black anything to a white face.
<a href="http://www.irishcentral.com/news/news_from_ireland/Woman-in-sumo-wrestler-suit-assaults-ex-girlfriend-after-waving-at-man-dressed-as-Snickers-bar-97262439.html" target="_hplink">This headline. That's all</a>.
In a scene that sounds like more like a Monty Python sketch than an actual news item, an Amish teen led a <a href="http://www.aolnews.com/2010/07/21/amish-teen-leads-police-on-horse-and-buggy-chase/" target="_hplink">low-speed police chase on his horse and buggy</a>.
Bad news: A Florida man was pulled over and arrested after the police searched his car and found marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Good news: In the process, the police found a bong that the man had been looking <i>everywhere</i> for -- <a href="http://www.aolnews.com/2010/10/20/arrested-man-thanks-police-for-finding-long-lost-bong/" target="_hplink">and thanked the cops for their help.</a>
If you're anything like a woman in Sweden arrested for drunk driving, you may think you can get out of the case by <a href="http://www.thelocal.se/15320/20081030/" target="_hplink">covering up one eye to avoid double vision</a>, as she claimed in court. Unfortunately, it won't work (neither the method nor the excuse).
There's a reason that billboards don't say, "Drink. Drive. Go To Jail. Next time, get <a href="http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/buy-dad-brain" target="_hplink">your 10-year-old son to drive instead</a>." But one Tennessee man found out the hard way that it might not be a great idea after the car crashed (everyone is fine).
You gotta hand it to a Dallas man who tried to cash a f<a href="http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/050108dnmetbillion.b623795f.html" target="_hplink">ake check for $360 billion</a>. Why not?
When a 14-year-old Tampa Bay boy dialed the wrong number, he quickly apologized, then offered to sell the person on the other end of the line some drugs. Unfortunately for him, <a href="http://www.wtsp.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=56634" target="_hplink">that other person was a cop</a>. As Maeby Bluth might say, "That was a freebie."
A Colorado man went to a video store and claimed that as a part of the <a href="http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/phony-porn-inspector-popped" target="_hplink">"age verification unit" of the local police department</a>, it was his duty to confiscate DVDs of pornography to ensure that all the actresses (and actors, presumably) were over 18. As foolproof as this plan was, he was arrested by the cops deployed from the Creepster Verification Unit. Apparently he had never even heard of the Internet.
Since when was it a crime to try to resuscitate a long-dead armadillo on the road? Who knows, but a <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8591303.stm" target="_hplink">drunk Pittsburgh man who tried</a> was arrested anyway.
Here's a great way to get arrested: 1. Commit bank fraud; receive over $200,000 in credit. 2. Flee the country. 3. <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8306032.stm" target="_hplink">Brag about your new lifestyle on Facebook.</a> 5. Accept friend request from DOJ official. 6. If you've made it this far, you don't need our help.