Bored-looking family members flank the walls of the London Palladium Theatre. As I'm led through a holding room, I think they think, "I hope she's not jumping the queue."
Alas, I haven't come to try out for 'Britain's Got Talent' - as good as my party tricks are.
Instead, I've come to find out what weird and wonderful acts the producers have acquired for the nation's entertainment this year. The dancing dog thing has been done and so has the person-who-doesn't-look-like-they-can-sing-but-can-actually-sing thing.
David Walliams arrives to judge the auditions in London
As I take a seat at the back of the packed-out theatre, the crowds are getting rowdy and booing the compere as he apologises for a "slight technical problem" that's delaying the show from kicking off.
If this is how they treat him, how on earth will they react to the mediocre acts who fail to dazzle?
As the mighty Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden, Alesha Dixon and David Walliams take their judging seats, the crowd cheer and all is well again.
Simon Cowell keeps his business head on
Until, that is, Cowell begins rejecting everyone. "It was a bad pub performance," he tells one act, as the audience shouts out for more.
There seems to be a difference from what the big boss is looking for and what makes the audience smile, but one must remember that Cowell is the one with the professional know-how...
His company reported their total turnover almost doubled to £54.6m ($87.89m) in the year to 31 March 2012 (and that is despite X Factor UK losing viewers).
Meanwhile, comedian Walliams is keeping the jokes light and blowing kisses at members of the audience. This must be the judges' good cop/bad cop skit.
Details of the brave, fame-hungry and talented contestants taking part must be kept under wraps until 'Britain's Got Talent' returns to TV in spring, however, we can reveal that it's not just the insanely loud buzzers that had the audience jumping out of their seats.
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