Hang on, Jamie's got a girlfriend?! Enter stage left Tara as your boyfriend tries it on with new girl Phoebe-Lettice. Plus everyone seems to have forgotten they're on a reality television show. Hmmm, says Will Gore
Obviously, no one taking part in Made In Chelsea is ever going to make it onto Mastermind. Yet, even by the low standards set by his fellow cast members, Francis Boulle was in particularly stupid form this week.
"What goes on in Verbier stays in Verbier," he told his buddies, Jamie and Andy, during the impromptu skiing trip that was the main focus of Monday's episode.
Someone should have told Master Boulle that the 'what goes on tour, stays on tour' maxim doesn't quite work when you've got cameras trailing your every move and an hour of telly to fill. After four series you'd have thought he might have caught on by now, but there you go.
It turns out that Francis needn't have worried anyway. He and his mates had managed to persuade five of the girls to go to Switzerland with them and the lads clearly had high hopes that they'd be dipping their meat into something more exciting than a fondue pot by the time the après ski was in full swing.
Unfortunately for them, fondue was exactly as exciting as it got for all of them, or so we were led to believe, as Francis and Andy kept themselves to themselves and Jamie made a botched attempt to pull new girl Phoebe-Lettice (crazy name, crazy nose ring).
In a scene that was like a grim portent of Celebrity Big Brothers to come, Jamie got Phoebe on her own in the hot tub and did his best to literally charm the pants off her. It didn't work, with the Lettice refusing to wilt under the pressure (If you liked that joke, stick with me over the coming weeks for plenty more salad-based puns.).
From there on in things got slightly confusing. After the unsuccessful hot tub mission, Jamie suddenly announced to Francis and Andy that he had an on/off girlfriend back home called Tara. Once Jamie returned to England, she was round to see him at his new and, burglars please take note, permanently unlocked pad.
Here a romantic scene played out. They sat on the end of Jamie's bed while Tara pointed out the variety of stains on his duvet cover. He responded by telling her, with all the sincerity of Jeremy Kyle, that he wanted to make a serious go of their relationship.
Jamie had fallen into the same trap as Francis, forgetting that those cameras that had been pointing at him in the chalet had actually been switched on. As a result, we had all just witnessed his desperate pursuit of Phoebe, during which he seemed to be missing Tara like the north of England is currently missing Maggie Thatcher.
To compound the idea that Jamie's wish to commit to Tara might not be utterly genuine we were shown a glimpse of next week's episode. Did he get lucky out in Switzerland after all, but with Lucy rather than Phoebe? It certainly looks that way. For our blonde bombshell, there may be trouble ahead...
Made In Chelsea, Episode One: It's Back And Spenny's Got Beef With, Like, EVERYONE