1. Life becomes a constant competition based on who is more tired, who works harder and who has changed more poo nappies. No one is ever the winner in this scenario – if you win the argument, it just means you're doing more.
3. He takes it for granted that a 'quick drink' can easily slide into a few drinks with the boys and then a curry with barely a text to let you know why he won't be home at the time he originally said.
4. He justifies the above behaviour with the fact he rarely does it any more/needs some time to himself/ deserves to let his hair down. Leaving you gnashing your teeth because you haven't washed your hair in a week let alone 'let it down'.
5. The only sex you'll have will be quick, quiet (so not to wake the baby) and punctuated by a musical toy distractingly setting itself off. But you won't mind a quickie as frankly you'd rather be asleep.
6. You refer to each other as mummy and daddy. You swore you'd never do it, but suddenly it seems okay if you're using a silly baby voice. Just make sure you don't do it in front of other people.
7. You can actually have an hour-long conversation about the contents of a nappy – the size, smell, consistency and frequency – and you find it genuinely interesting.
8. Cosy nights on the sofa with a takeaway are less of a romantic weekend treat and more of a daily necessity. There's no way you've got the energy to go to the supermarket and cook a meal.
9. While you've always been vaguely aware of it, your partner's inability to multi-task suddenly becomes extremely pronounced. Remembering the nappies, wipes and baby milk – all for the same outing? Apparently it's not possible.