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2013's Top 10 Funny Christmas Cracker Jokes Revealed

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LOS ANGELES, CA - DECEMBER 06: Recording artist Miley Cyrus performs onstage during KIIS FM's Jingle Ball 2013 at Staples Center on December 6, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for Clear Channel) | Christopher Polk via Getty Images

The hunt to find the best modern Christmas cracker jokes is over - at least for this year.

TV channel Gold launched a Twitter competition to find some cracking (geddit?!) gags for its bespoke range of Christmas crackers - and now the winners can be revealed.

A panel of judges - led by comedy expert Bruce Dessau - chose a shortlist of the best #GoldCrackers jokes, which were then voted on by 2,000 British adults.

The top 10 favourites chosen by the public were:

  • 1
    What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
  • 2
    Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
    Because they were two deer.
  • 3
    Mary and Joseph - now they had a stable relationship.
  • 4
    What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
    The One Show.
  • 5
    What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
    He pulled a cracker.
  • 6
    Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital?
    Because he has private elf care.
  • 7
    How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
    They had a weigh in a manger.
  • 8
    Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
    Because their days are numbered.
  • 9
    How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?
    You've got three extra hoes.
  • 10
    Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison?
    Because it was a repeat offender.

The three jokes that just missed out on a top 10 spot were:

  • Why did Harry Styles fail at being Santa? Because he can only use the chimney in One Direction.
  • Why did Rudolph the reindeer have the complete works of Shakespeare on his top lip? Because his nose was well read.
  • Why can't you wash up during Christmas? Because the Fairy is on top of the tree.

The winning 'twerky' gag was written by Richard Woolford - the man behind this very funny Snowman Trust video - who received £5,000 in prize money for his efforts (and a box of Gold crackers).

“I’m totally amazed and can’t believe it!" said Woolford. "I now hope Twerking becomes a new Christmas tradition - are you listening Nan?

"This has been a phenomenal year and a great welcome back into comedy for me after being away so long recovering from cancer. All I want to do is write comedy professionally, and hopefully this is another step closer to my dream.”

Also on HuffPost:

Twitter Festive Jokes
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