A baby's needs are very simple, as we all know. Sleep, feed, change, cuddle, with a few peek-a-boo games thrown in for good measure. And that's it. Unless you happen to be obscenely rich.
Because now parents with more money than sense can book their newborn into a £2,230-a-night (A NIGHT!!) luxury nursery room at a top London hotel.
I think this may be one of the purposes the shorthand 'FFS' was invented for. As if the kid's going to notice! Anyway, I digress.
The over-the-top suite at Grosvenor House has been created to coincide with the birth of the Royal baby.
It features £26,000 worth of bespoke, hand-crafted furniture including an illustrated cot-bed that took five days to create, a one-of-a-kind white chaise-longue feeding chair and state-of-the-art bottle warmer, and a £1,400 dolls house cupboard, hand painted to look like the exterior of the Park Lane hotel.
Pampered guests will also benefit from an on-call baby concierge ready to hire child-minders or order extra nappies, an in-room organic baby food menu, and a £340 nappy changer illustrated with Beatrix Potter characters.
A £1,450 Silver Cross Balmoral pram also comes with the suite, should the new parents wish to take their precious cargo out for a stroll. At play-time, children could serve tea to their teddy-bear friends on a raspberry-pink, miniature dining table under the watchful eye of a nanny, who can stay in the adjoined £1,100-a-night luxury suite next door.
The 'Suite Dreams' nursery took six-weeks to create by design company Dragons of Walton Street, who have previously been commissioned by Royalty to create nurseries for Prince William, Prince Harry, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie.
Lucinda Croft, owner and MD of Dragons of Walton Street, said: "Going away to a hotel with a new baby can be such a pain, but every issue has been taken care of so visitors to London can arrive without a care in the world."
A spokeswoman from Grosvenor House said: "We can't wait for guests to come and stay with us. The designs featured in the room are exquisite. Each piece of furniture tells a story and we're thrilled to be offering our guests with young children, a unique and memorable experience - fit for a royal - that will live with them long after their stay with us."
More:Baby's First Year
Suggested For You
SUBSCRIBE AND FOLLOW
Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements.Learn more