The beautiful gift in an ugly box.
by Alison Ward. The Life Guidance Mentor|
Twenty two years ago my power and peace of mind was taken from me by force from a man whom I once loved and had a child with.
The relationship with Graham; 'G', had been over for a while. Sam and I were living a simple and peaceful life on our own in a little terraced house and life was good.
The old cliche " I don't want you but I don't want any other f***** to have you" became a reality when G visited us a day after Independence Day with a knife in his back pocket and a home made pipe that would later lead to the exhaust of his borrowed car.
It didn't take long to catch me off guard and straddle me in the corner of the room whilst he pulled the knife out.
The sudden release of my blood fascinated me yet I knew my time was up. I never knew it pumped out like that, the walls on the other side of the room were soon decorated with its pure, deep redness whilst my two year old son tried to figure a way to save me.
Hours later police found G and Sam in his car with the home made device filling acrid carbon monoxide into my son's young lungs. A window was smashed as G wouldn't release Sam from his grip. G's arrest for two counts of attempted murder later became a farcical show when he was sentenced to three years and served eighteen months and counted Fred West as his new friend.
Our sentence had just begun.
Panic attacks, fear of leaving our safe house, flashbacks and heightened anxiety was the new norm. PTSD and victim of domestic violence was my new title.
The life of being a victim was an easy one, wake up in fear, live in fear,trust no one, expect to die..today.
Until my sister Emma lost her rag "Hasn't he hurt you both enough without you continuing to be like this?" Yea it rattled me a tad but the sentence that really rankled me was from Helen and Gail; "Al, the best form of revenge is happiness!"
That was the key.
I used it often from that day, turning it a little more as my gifts for re-claiming my PPI returned Pride, Passion and Inspiration.
It wasn't easy. It would have been far easier to stay in 'no man's land' and let everyone fuss around me and take care of all my needs but I'm a feisty gal who was now seriously fucked off at the continued pain lurking behind every thought and action.
I found my self. My angel found me too, but that's another story. I started to listen to my body and a voice, rather like mine would urge me to do certain things. So I'd do them. Well I had nothing to lose. The psychiatrist confirmed I wasn't a schizophrenic so maybe that voice was my angel or even my inner guru.
Every day I would force myself to be grateful... for breathing, seeing my scars heal for anything so long as I felt it deep in my gut, real genuine, meaty gratitude.
Gratitude became a daily discipline until one morning when a new friend arrived -hope!
She came into my life just after I peed and looked into the mirror without recoiling from my reflection. I was able to say hello to me in a friendly manner this morning rather than the previous 'bitch' speak that was rather too common!
My face softened as I smiled and rather liked the smile looking back at me then a light switch popped in my head. A light was turned on and has stayed there ever since. The light gave me my new friends hope, quickly followed by peace (of mind).
Now 22 years later they call me an angel! What the f***! I swear, drink cold white wine and say it as it is.
The 'beautiful gift in the ugly box' as I call this episode of my life gave me my purpose; that of The Life Guidance mentor. I offer intuitive guidance and practical solutions to assist you when life throws you a challenge.
My story is a great illustration of how when we find our inner guru we become simply amazing!
Alison Ward, Author. The Life Guidance Mentor ™ All Rights Reserved @2016 www.angelalisonward.guru
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