Alfie Evers Comedy Writer/Musician/Sandwich Lover

London-based Alfie Evers first came to prominence in 2015 after winning a Nobel Prize for his novel ‘Sex Football Beer’ which sold over 100,000,000 Billion copies worldwide and was translated into a world-record 1300 languages. After enjoying such huge success, Evers hid away from the public eye, choosing instead to live on a farm in Lichtenstein, where it is reported that he found the cure for people who talk too loudly on the phone whilst riding public transport. In 2018, Evers was thrust back into the public eye after England football manager John Terry picked him for the FIFA World Cup. After much furore over the award-winning writer’s ageing years and the fact he had never been a professional footballer, the critics were silenced when Evers stepped off the bench in the final to score two goals against a Germany side managed by Arnold Schwarzenegger. With the final score 2-1, England claimed their first trophy since 1966. Proud Manager John Terry said at the time; “I knew when it came down to it, we needed more than football. We needed Alfie”.

After declining knighthood, Evers again chose to shun the limelight and went into hiding, where it is reported he invented the Hover Car. In 2032, after leading an uprising, Alfie Evers was elected the first President of the newly formed Peoples’ Republic of Europe. He is happily married with 16 wives, has 436 children and writes his blog The Alfie Evers Brain Sale.

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