Where else can you find a week long desert party with naked people everywhere, fancy dress, more UV lights than a public toilet in Peckham, free cocktails, free love, free everything and more fun people than a BarChick event? Burning Man that's where, it's BarChick's home away from home. Love it, hate it, or don't give a sh*t about it. Here is our weird and wonderful guide of how to, and how not to do Burning Man, brought to you by BarChick's most dedicated Burning Man friends, fans and family.
• Want to sleep? Ear plugs.
• Leave your phone in a f*cking zip lock back pack and don't touch it.
• Avoid playafoot. The playa is very alkaline, so you'll get sores on your feet. Footbaths with vinegar or lime neutralise it.
• 100% take a bike, and don't even think about not having bike lights like the darktards. You want fat tyres and a comfy saddle.
• Vitamin b complex - lots!
• Intersperse booze with plenty of water. Then more water.
• Beef Jerky. desert-friendly and damn delicious.
• It's dark at night, stand out so you don't get lost from your crew. This is what we're talking about -
• Bring a camel bag for water. It's eco-friendly and easier to carry than bottles, even if you do look a bit Ray (Rave) Mears.
• All you really need is a bikini/Speedos, a bike and coconut oil! In fact, you don't even need a bikini.
• Sign up to the Jackrabbit Speaks newsletter (thru the BM website). It has everything you need to know.
• Visit Ooligan Alley at 2&B - they're lovely eccentric European folks like wot we are.
• Robot Heart, baby.
• Some of the best parties will be at Jub Jubs and the DPW saloon. Those magnificent b*stards.
• Drink sensible: Bullshot and vodka - warming and with protein! White Russian ingredients - calcium! Bloody Mary ingredients - 5 a day! Everything you need. Sorted.
• Hitch a ride on an Art Car.
• Make your 'gift' a manly Margarita.
• Go out to the "Deep Playa", there's all sorts going on out there.
• Everyone MUST visit the Thunder Dome, it's amazing. Real life Mad Max.
• Check out BarChick's festival cocktails.
• SAY YES. It's a yes party.
• Don't go... you'll be insufferable to talk to for about two years.
• Don't spend the whole time trying to meet up with people. It won't work.
• Never say "it's not as good as (insert year)".
• Don't forget there are cops out there. They wear glow sticks and are often found in crowded areas. You have been warned.
• They say no glitter in the rules, but try telling that to the glitter camp where you get a full-body hose of the stuff.
• Don't touch him.
• Don't eat yellow snow.
• Don't overcook it. It's the tortoise and the hare here. Slow and steady wins the race.
• Don't miss out on Tits and Tacos
• Don't get dehydrated/overheated. Take care of yourself, you are raving in a desert, it's absurd.
AND NOW FOR THE WEIRD AND WONDERFUL
• Make sure all your friends are hot and Instagram the fook out of it.
• Plenty of meths.
• Be weird.
• If trying to explode propane canisters using fire, you need to epoxy-weld the valve shut - otherwise your apocalyptic boom turns out as a dull hissing fire jet.
• Safety Third.
• Fly into the playa don't drive in.
• Don't get married to a stripper from San Jose while dressed in inappropriately warm clothing and high on peyote.