I have always prided myself on being a good friend, a good listener, but since having a baby all that has changed. I have been sucked into this world of which nappies and wipes are best, should we breastfeed or bottle feed and how on earth to begin the mammoth task that is weaning? I'm totally consumed with keeping my little girl alive and kicking that I've lost who I used to be.
I miss that girl - the carefree me that would spontaneously go for drinks, loved the craziness of the N155 night bus and made sure she made it home before Chicken Cottage shut. I miss my friends, and I know they miss me too. So, an apology to those friends I have loved for most of my life, who are always with me through thick and thin: I promise your good friend will be back soon.
- I'm sorry when we talk, my eyes are wandering and my mind is thinking about what I am going to give my little girl for dinner. I wish I could focus and be in the moment but all I want is for her to be happy and not have a tantrum in Costa, which she so loves to do.
- I'm sorry I often moan about how little sleep I am getting. It's one of the only things consuming my mind. My thoughts are so often curiosity as to what I could achieve if I had just 3 or 4 hours unbroken sleep.
And thank you - for listening to my tears in the first few months, for making me laugh at 3am at the frustration of being hurled out of my bed and for being there at my little girl's birthday, by my side. All of it means the world to me and I love you very much.
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