THE BLOG

So Why Is It Hard To Prosecute Emotional Abuse ?

20/08/2014 17:32 BST | Updated 20/10/2014 10:59 BST

First and foremost, emotional abuse requires a deep identification and understanding of clearly what it is that is perceived as abnormal. To have a rambling monosyllabic testimony such as 'look, what she/he did to me, do something, I am a victim', is not enough to capture this term. Equally what the typical social networking low social discourse of perceptions and tribulations describe as 'look, what men/women do to each other' is also a misidentification.

Emotional abuse goes further than domestic violence in the realm of intimate relationships of couples. It is encountered in employment relationships with bosses and co-workers, children and parents, as well as terrorists subjugating their victims. And it is more than bullying.

It requires an intellectualised process of identification, coping and recognition of the building up detail of the behaviour. First of all, it is a pattern set behaviour characterised by psychopatic aberrant contradictory inconsistencies inflicted on someone who, with no fault of their own, becomes a victim.

I do not see why recording this behaviour should be any different to anti-social behaviour that the police can currently record that is to do with yobbism, noise and rowdiness acts and why there is constant excuse that this cannot be prosecuted in a similar way. The complacency that we today receive from the police, judges and other justice organs that, this is hard to prosecute because it is invisible to the eye to be credible, must be ironed out. If the outside world does not see the disfigurement and the battered body with bruises and broken bones, it does not mean that there is no trauma. Also the conventional attitude that if victims do not get physically beaten, they are not victims, is a lazy response from justice. This emotional trauma is insidious and deeply ingrained leaving psychological traces longer than a physical body wound.

It is to do with culture (gender roles, ethnic mentality) as well as balance of power and trust. Often the good and strong fall victims to it because they are cut out to be resilient, to be generous and kind, before they come to realise they are conned and taken advantage of the emotions they invest. The strong also have a higher tolerance to put up with abuse as well as possess the ability to reform and work things out before they realise that they are dragged into unreformed psychological behaviour.

At the same time abusers inflict the same pattern of behaviour to others in their past history, not just one person, which is why emotional abuse should not be confused with he/she was not that much into you and did not love you enough, as no one in fact is good enough.

So from the start there are distinct features different from the usual "do not get along and have an argument" in a domestic life. Abusers usually hate when they say they love, and conduct things in such a way for their own privilege and benefit while their victim is building on suffering.

What sort of evidence could be collected? The lies and contradictions in abusers' behaviour can be tracked even if abusers are master manipulators and calculators in deleting the incriminatory evidence. They also get the world on their side with their undisputed charm and persuasion leaving their victim isolated to cope with trauma in silence. An abuser is a huge acting persona, an instigator posing as a victim.

Who goes first to complain to the police is often irrelevant because that is not the full picture of the reality. Often when the police get called to the scene, the person shouting louder is the victim in defence, not the abuser. This is why both parties evidence is necessary. And that is when inconsistencies start to emerge in reconstructing the history of the happening.

Possession of things, dominated by a controlling behaviour that forces to having to ask permission to have access to what it is in fact yours, having to beg and face humiliation to get back an entitlement. Having to face social isolation and lack of freedom and independence, thus being forced to downgrade and give up an identity, earned on merit and achievement, to adopt chores, burdens and obey aberrant instructions and unnecessary conditions created as set-up to lower self-esteem on grounds that this is beneficial, to be subject to endless mockery, belittling, constant nagging and name-calling presented as a form of endearment, to be subject to mental techniques of gas lighting to be coerced to see what it is not, to be censored to voice opinions and face repercussions in doing so, to be forced to do things never wanted to do as well as being asked to make constant slavish concessions and sacrifices that lead to no rewards other than satisfy the abuser, to have to put up with excessive jealousy, to give account constantly about anything, having to respond to nonstop calls, or to be forced to invest time and money unnecessarily - all these episodes and happenings can be evidentially recorded.

Emotional abuse is regarded as different from imaginary hypochondria and other mental stress ills because it brings an erosion of personality characterised by real post traumatic syndrome, severe withdrawal and mistrust in the world and its values. It also has nothing to do with one-off game playing or relationship inadequacies because it involves serious controlling, violent outbursts and aberrant psychopathic mental inconsistencies which can be recorded. Admittedly, the main problem is the identification and recognition that what happens actually constitutes emotional abuse as a set pattern as opposed to other issues.