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Why Successful People Don't Talk About Their Kids

04/06/2015 12:54 BST | Updated 03/06/2016 10:59 BST

Children, they're everywhere. They're like a plague. You can't take a casual stroll anywhere without tripping over a couple. Now more than ever the mantra of 'seen and not heard' has been replaced with seen, heard and instagrammed. Yet even amidst the kid friendly revolution it seems that people who don't bang on about their children get better breaks and here's why:

1) Kids are boring. If we don't have them, we've been one. We all know the drill - cry, poop, fall over, repeat ad nauseam. There's not a lot you can tell people that they don't know about having or being a kid. Honestly, they might smile and nod and say, 'hmmmm' in the right places but inside they're crying. You could, if it means that much to you, put a new spin on the whole kid thing but it's a lot easier just to find something different and therefore valuable to bring to the table.

2) People hate multitaskers. I know you thought that was a good thing. It's great as long as no one knows you're doing it. For example, you go to a mechanic. He seems proficient, reliable even. You're about to book and then out of nowhere he tells you that he's also a part time chef. He loves being a chef; if he could he'd chef full time. He shows you pictures of last night's dinner on his phone. You'd hesitate - how serious can he be about your Nissan if he's thinking about sautéing asparagus? If you want to seem successful you have to appear focused; we all know that children inspire anything but focus.

3) Everyone understands that kids come first. You don't need to tell people, they know. Unless you're soulless you will drop anything and everything for your kids. People don't want to work with soulless people but they want to feel like they come first; when you talk about your children you remind them that they don't.

4) Being different it a deal breaker. Uniqueness is a bit of a fallacy. When people say unique they mean quirky shoes. Your role as a parent will make you different from people that don't have kids, they'll want to bond with people like them - so just pretend to be like them. I know what you're thinking, you should tell other child owners about your family status so that they know you're the same as them? No. People with kids want to bond with people like them, like them before they had children. Happy, healthy, well rested people that can get the job done.

5) Nurturers never win. A parent's only job is to look after someone. People who are overly concerned with the needs of others can't do whatever it takes to win. Don't let them know your number one task is to nurture. Kind and caring doesn't get you far enough in life. If you wanna seem caring, talk about your dog. Everyone loves dogs.