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Britain's Got Talent Review - a Royal TV Car Crash

09/06/2014 15:29 BST | Updated 07/08/2014 10:59 BST

The Britain's Got Talent final was on British television on Saturday and after months of auditions, the winner was finally chosen. Collabro won the show, and arguably, were the only talented act on the show! But BGT was a big car crash in my eyes this year with Simon Cowell just throwing the same old rubbish at the British public yet again.

Lets not forget the first rule of Britain's Got Talent: no matter how boring and talentless they are, the judges should never criticise children or the elderly. That was certainly evident in this year's child centred show where 16 year olds get awwed and cries of "isn't it cute". Why are people under 16 even allowed on reality television? I suppose it was half term though so the children were let loose.

Britain is a society of hairdressers and shopkeepers so let's keep it that way! Not every wannabe can become a pop-star so it is best if shows like BGT stops encouraging this. I feel sorry for the royal family who will have to sit through this every year at the Royal Variety Show. Speaking of variety, why was every other act a singer? We have enough singers without having to put up with any more. All singers on Britain's Got Talent are instantly forgettable. Without cheating, can you honestly say you remember a singing act from last year's show? If so, you are in the minority because I certainly can't. That goes for dance acts as well - once you have seen one, you have seen them all. I never understood Diversity and why they won a few years ago, never mind the dance acts this year who are just wriggling their bodies around, like a cat having an epileptic fit.

The semi-final rounds of BGT were the most excruciating part of the show. Jenson Zhu - do I need to say anymore? Ironically, this was the only act I liked this year! A Chinese man doing impressions of Elvis Presley and Simon Cowell. At least he noted that "it isn't genetically possible" for him to do good impressions. Unfortunately he didn't make it to the final and that is where my enjoyment ended. We also saw in the semi-finals the bike stunt team whose performance had to be pre-recorded in the BGT car park in case somebody died. As if Her Majesty the Queen was going to stand in a cold car park to watch an act perform. They were never going to get through to the final though as they were against two children who subsequently ended up in the top three.

Even though she has been a judge on the show for the past eight years, I am still not entirely confident I know who Amanda Holden is or what she does. I vaguely recall she played Shrek on stage but that is about it. Alesha Dixon, the only thing she did this year which grabbed my attention was throwing water on David Walliams. I think she is just another child who managed to find her way on the show. Simon Cowell said he is looking for "star quality and originality"; he clearly came to the wrong place! I suppose I would like Simon more if he said "I'm going to be honest with you" just a few more times.

If there is one thing I don't mind on Britain's Got Talent, it is the foreign acts. I am begging for them to come on the show and produce some real talent! The foreign acts are always better than the British whether it is the Canadian magician Darcy Oake, the Romanian group Attraction or of course the wonderfully talented Jenson Zhu. Another way this year's show could have been improved is if it involved eggs! I was left extremely disappointed when Simon left the studio at the end of the night with no egg yolk down his jacket. Finally ITV, could you stop interrupting the adverts next year with this nonsense? I would rather watch an advert for nappies over Bars and Melody any day!

So Collabro won the 2014 show! At least the people of Britain voted the top two acts in the top two positions even though 2nd placed Lucy Kay should have won. All I can say is thank goodness Bars and Melody didn't win! They need to learn to speak the Queen's English before they perform in front of Her Majesty. The funny thing is, the winner gets to perform at the Royal Variety performance, but the top four placed acts were singers - so much for variety? Enjoy Collabro's 15 minutes of fame while it lasts, they won't be heard of again.