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Mr Blobby's Great British Bake Off

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I was watching The Great British Bake Off on BBC2 the other night and really liked its cheery tone. And this got me thinking "I bet Mr Blobby would LOVE cooking on The Great British Bake Off!"

I mean, haha, so funny, he'd be all like running around the kitchen throwing flour in peoples faces, grabbing Mary Berry by the hair, trying to shove that old bloke with the grey hair and blue eyes into the oven, playing with knives! Man, it would be hysterical!

So what would Mr Blobby cook if he was on The Great British Bake Off? Haha. LOL! Probably something with loads of marshmallows and food colourings haha and egg shells and he'd be all like BLOBBY BLOBBY BLOBBY and really super hysterically funny.

But then I stopped dead in my tracks.

You see, the question is not "what would Mr Blobby cook?". The question should really be:

"what would Mr Blobby's puppet master, the once human, occult-loving goat-beast, Noel Edmonds cook?"

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On Wikipedia it tells me that Noel has claimed he is occasionally visited by two melon-sized "spiritual energy" balls

So I am going to cook MELON ENERGY BALLS...and my fellow food blogger Emily has got Noel onto The Great British Bakeoff alongside fellow devil worshipers Merry Berry and that old bloke with blue eyes and grey hair:

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And they're probably going to stab all those cakes and burn the contestants...

...anyway, as they do that, I pop off to my local Tesco Metro and return with the following:

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A melon, coffee, some sugary energy drink and sugar! This thing is going to blow my mind!

I start by hollowing out the melon and add the contents to a bowl with the coffee, energy drink and sugar:

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And after blending, return to the hollowed out energy ball:

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But what next? Obviously my melon energy ball must be baked so I transfer to an oven at 150C and bake for an hour. Look, I was winging it here because googling "baking melon with energy drink coffee and sugar" didn't return anything useful. You sound surprised. After an hour in the oven, what do we have?

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Erm, OK.

Aaaaand how's it taste?

It tastes like Tia Maria?! I don't get it, It's perfectly edible and I have a fair few spoonfuls. I'm also thinking I should have added flour or something because adding flour always makes a delicious cake. But as I type this 15 minutes later I can honestly say I am rushing my tits off with all the caffeine and sugar so Noel's Melon Energy Balls won't be made again anytime soon and is not something you should attempt (unless you're in league with the devil or something, in which case I positively endorse it).

So, have you got any melon baking tips? You do? That's GREAT, maybe you could transcend over to my Facebook page and tell me and other food fans...

composites by the marvellous Emily Trescott