THE BLOG

Watching Graduation Is a Bizarre Experience

22/07/2014 10:06 BST | Updated 16/09/2014 10:59 BST

As July comes and goes undergraduates from many different universities go through the unique experience of finding out their results, meeting up with friends (sometimes for the last time) and wearing a gown, mortar board and hood.

They are surrounded by friends, peers, family and those that have assisted with learning for the last few years of their life. They walk around a university that they have lived and breathed for what feels like a lifetime and even occasionally slept in, for what may well be the very last time. For some it will be one of their last times in a particular city or even country as they head home, to new areas and get ready to either continue education or join the graduate employment race.

For graduands and graduates it's a mixture of excitement but the terror of uncertainty and an air of sadness seems to fill a lot of faces. All whilst their visitors and guests to the ceremonies are smiling proudly and wanting photographs to remember the special day.

Then, there are a couple of people that feel as lost as the people graduating. I feel like one of those people. This year I could have graduated from Staffordshire Universities journalism fast track course, had I made more logical UCAS choices two years ago. I could have graduated from the University of Kent next year had my personal life not fallen off track. Instead I'm still two or three years away from graduating from City University London. Therefore, watching my boyfriend, close friends and people that I know graduating, moving on with their life and getting dream jobs is a little bizarre.

I do, of course, feel very happy and proud of all those people I know moving on with their life, but it leaves me with a lot of awkward emotions. I know that I could be progressing with my life and doing all those things, but instead I am wasting my life away and fading into the media background. Gone are the days when I wrote for the Guardian Children's Books section (nearly two years ago), a column and occasional article in my local newspaper and when I used to get invited onto local BBC radio to talk about student life and politics.

In no way would I change my current education or alter my personal life, but when I see everybody rising up in the world and know that I have sunk away and disappeared into thousands of other average bloggers and online writers just 'wanting to be' rather than actually being, I cannot help but wish that I was wearing that gown, board and hood right now and forcing myself to rise back up there in the world.

Good luck to all those graduating, and well done on your results. To those not graduating, keep working hard. To those starting university, don't let what you have fall away from you, it's the most disappointing feeling in the world (trust me, I know).