THE BLOG

Pick Up Artistry? Exploitative and Fraudulent

20/11/2014 11:31 GMT | Updated 19/01/2015 10:59 GMT

As a psychiatrist I am relieved.

And I am proud that my country has refused a visa to the self-styled pick up artist Julien Blanc with over 136,000 signatures on a petition to ban him from the UK.

Letting this man that educates men on how to "pick up" women with his sexually aggressive modus operandi into our country would have been sending a terrible message. And by banning him it shows how seriously we take these malignant people.

Over a year ago I was invited to attend what is known as a "PUA" (pick up artist) seminar in London. I was asked to come and review it for my blog as at the time I was writing for "JDate" on the social psychology of dating; explaining why it's a good idea to open the car door for your girlfriend and to pay for your dates when you go to dinner for the first time.

Feminists and egalitarians may have raised an eyebrow but on the whole I had no moral issues with issuing such advise. However what I do have huge reservations about are people that seek to teach vulnerable men how to pick up the girls of their fantasies.

Since the publication of "The Game" in 2005, men lie, preaching that they are successful womanisers - running boot camps and courses on how to teach guys to talk and ultimately sleep with women.

I sometimes meet some of those that attend these seminars in my psychiatric clinic. I take it seriously because a lot of people think it's a bit of fun and it's not - what it is - is exploitation of people with low self worth and often extreme naivety coupled with the hope that it's the answer to their dreams.

Patients with autistic spectrum disorders come and talk about how they would love to have a girlfriend but they lack some of the social skills to help them. And then they tell me how they are going these PUA courses, handing over their money or often relative's money to fund it.

I urge them not to go but they don't always listen, with the promise of being taught what is advertised as an almost magical way to approach and get the girl they have always wanted.

They would be far better served by caring and supportive psychologists than parasitic misogynists on a delusional crusade to con you our of your cash.

Men pay hundreds, sometimes thousands to go and listen to other people with absolutely no qualifications who instruct them how to "neg" (insult a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances) the girl of your dreams. Yes - surprise her with how disinterested and rude you can appear! Interesting and smart women always love that - don't they?

I interviewed Matthew Kaphan (seen below) a former TV producer in Los Angeles about a time when he went to option a reality TV show based on following one of the most famous pick up artists in America.

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What he told me came as no surprise.

"None of the stories that he used when I saw him talk to women in clubs were real, they're just bullshit stories to move the conversation in a certain direction. And Hollywood is full of beautiful girls and not once did I see him succeed with anyone."

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He went on. "These PUAs are starting with men who have so little self-confidence that they have never spoken to a woman before. They take a group of these guys out to a bar and force them to approach women. If you've never spoken to a woman before, just this one act alone will change your life when you realise a woman isn't going to slap you for talking to her."

And so what did I find when I attended one of these seminars as a blogger in London?

2 girls wearing LBDs and high heels greeted me. They were there presumably to convince the patrons of this seminar that they were indeed on their yellow brick road to meet their own girls whom presumably dress like they are in Mahiki in the middle of the afternoon on a wet Saturday in Ealing at all times.

I then watched for thirty minutes which was all I could really stand it for as men sat in a hotel conference room taking page after page of notes from what I can only describe as people with narcissistic personality disorders teach on the fastest way to chat a girl up and then get her into bed.

It was all very uncomfortable and "rapey" with suggestions of how to escalate sexual encounters by having alcohol and the right itunes playlists to hand if you can get a girl back to your pad. Any delay to the smooth running of your taught moves could end in a missed opportunity to take advantage of hypothetical girl.

You don't need to be a genius to see all these tricks to put down and then try to seduce women is akin to pinching the girl in the playground that you fancied.

And how did that ever work out?

Exactly.