I hear about this 'Mummy guilt' all the time. This post isn't to gloat (far from it), but to maybe make you recognise that you can get rid of 'Mummy guilt.' I was at a Mother's Meeting last week with Jenny Scott, and she asked us all if we had "that mummy guilt." The room was loud with agreeing mummies. Ok, so we may have had a nice time making these monkeys, but we have had to sacrifice alot raising them too. We had to give up nine months of our lives. We couldn't drink alcohol (notice this is my first qualm), couldn't eat certain food, had no energy, were really sick, some bear stretch marks, some never got their bodies back. We had to go through immense pain to let them have their little lives here. We have literally given up our lives for these little people. I mean, how often do you ever shop for yourself, or go out with friends, or go out with your husband now? And not forgetting how little sleep we have had since they bounced into our lives. Some people have had to make changes to their careers for their offspring. Some people have felt they need to leave full-time employment due to childcare costs and pressure.
We choose to go to work to earn money for them, to give them more. For them to have more hobbies, a bigger house, more holidays in a year. If you look at what you do, ask yourself, "Is this for my child?" I bet most of the time it is. I hear people all the time feeling bad they miss children's assemblies, but it is because you are working for them. I choose not to work and can't give them a big house and three holidays a year at the moment, as I do want to see the assemblies and pick them up from School. Who knows, they may hate me when I am older as I don't drive a top of the range car, and didn't make it to a 5-bedroom house in Bowdon, but one thing I have learnt is you have to do what makes you happy. We all have a choice. If we want more materially, we sadly have to work more. But if you are doing everything for your children, drop the 'Mummy guilt.'
I don't know if you ever have those crazy outbursts where you have half an hour spare time at home, to clean, or when you get home from the School run, and you put on an old album and just can't help but dance a bit. Well, the other day I put on my 'Bananarama' album. I know I shouldn't broadcast it, but you know that feeling you get when you listen to an old song, you can't beat it! Anyway, I was dancing around to 'Love in the first degree,' and it inspired me to write this post. You must remember that song? Where you just made up the words to that line... "Guilty, guilty as a cocoa bean." It was actually "Guilty, guilty as a girl can be," just incase you didn't know. The word 'guilty' crops up a lot. I think Bananarama were actually singing about being a mum when you listen to the lyrics:
"Last night, I was dreaming, I was locked in a prison cell."
Well, I must say, the early years are like being locked up. You are a prisoner in your own home. You can't go out in the day, because you just can't get out of the house.
When I woke up I was screaming, calling out your name."
Yep, we probably did eventually fall asleep every so often and just think it was all a nightmare and start yelling out....probably to your husband; "What the hell have we done you *insert expletives*?"
"And the judge and the jury they all put the blame on me, the blame on me. They wouldn't go for my story, they wouldn't hear my plee. Only you can set me free, cause I'm guilty, guilty as a girl can be. Come on baby set me free, I stand accused of love in the first degree."
I've decided this bit is about the mums blaming themselves. And mums, it is only you who can get rid of the guilt! So do it! You have nothing to feel guilty about. It is always about the kids. It is the kids that should blooming feel guilty about what they have done to us *smirk.*
I will just finish off with this verse, as I think they are singing about our mental state and sanity here:
"Someday, I believe it, you will come to my rescue. Unchain the heart you're keeping and let me start anew. The hours pass so slowly since they've thrown away the key. Can't you see that I'm lonely. Won't you help me please!"
Apart from giggle reading the above, I hope you realise that 'Mummy guilt' is in your head, say goodbye to it! We are all doing the best we can.