NEWS

North Korea And Kim Jong-Un's 11 Most Batsh*t Moments

Aside from the ongoing suppression and murder of a nation.

14/09/2016 14:21 | Updated 15 September 2016

1) Kidnapped an American who everyone thought was dead. 

This is David Sneddon...

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The US student went missing in during a trip to China in 2004 and was presumed dead.

He vanished in the Yunnan Province in western China aged 24 whilst on a hiking trip with officials concluding he had been swept away after falling into a river.

That is until is was reported he was actually kidnapped by North Korea to teach English to Kim Jong-un.

Sneddon’s body was never found and his parents never believed the official version of events and their hopes appear to have been justified earlier this month with a sighting of him in the secretive state working and living in the capital Pyongyang with a wife and two children.

 

2) Photoshopped an invasion. Really, really badly.

This is the North Korean army making a dazzling amphibious assault...

Getty

Or not.

News agency AFP responded by pulling the photo, “due to evidence of tampering,” according to the Atlantic.

 

3) Called Obama a “wicked black monkey”

 

KCNA KCNA / Reuters
Kim Jong-un laughing in a field.

Back in 2014, an editorial was published during Obama’s tour of Asian nations, describing Barack Obama as “reminiscent of a wicked black monkey”.

As if that wasn’t enough, it also called South Korea’s President Park Geun-hye an “old prostitute”.

Another KCNA article from that same day — this one in Korean - managed to raise the bar even further, saying Obama “should live as a monkey in an African natural zoo licking the breadcrumbs thrown by spectators.”

4) Declared war on Seth Rogan and James Franco, sort of...

You may remember a relatively recent film release called ‘The Interview’...

Sony Pictures

One person who did not come off very well in it was Kim Jong-un who was depicted as a bit of a maniac (probably true) who is assassinated in an exploding helicopter (probably not true) by characters played by Seth Rogen and James Franco.

Not long after its release, Sony Pictures Entertainment was hacked by a group the FBI claimed had links to the North Korean government.

The resulting fallout led to numerous security breaches and a lot of rather embarrassing making their way into the public domain.

5) Shipped over Dennis Rodman to sing Happy Birthday to Kim.

Yes this actually happened.

No really, we’re not making it up, just watch this...

6) Banned anyone from having the name ‘Kim Jong-un’ apart from Kim Jong-un.

Dear Leader is a very unique...

KCNA KCNA / Reuters
Kim Jong-un laughing at the fair.

So unique in fact that he is apparently the only person in his country allowed the moniker.

According to the Daily Mail, the order was put into force in 2011, but documentary evidence was only smuggled out of the secretive state in 2014.

In addition to ensuring no newborns were given the Dear Leader’s name, the law also said: “All party organs and public security authorities should make a list of residents named Kim Jong-un... and train them to voluntarily change their names.”

7) Introduced mandatory hairstyles.

These ones in fact. For her...

 

David Guttenfelder AP

And for him... 

David Guttenfelder AP

The secretive state’s impoverished citizens were flocking to the barbers in March 2014, as the state-sanctioned guidelines were reportedly rolled out nationwide.

North Korea clearly had its priorities right, dismissing accusations of crimes against humanity to instead focus on the introduction of the compulsory boxy, mushroom-esque hair do for men and 70s-era dos for women.

8) Introducing ‘female pleasure squads’ so Kim can ‘demonstrate his sexual power.

KCNA KCNA / Reuters
Kim Jong-un laughing with some women.

Kim reportedly reinstated a “pleasure squad” of young women to entertain him – in a tradition said to have been enjoyed by his late father.

The news was broken by South Korea’s Chosun Ilbo newspaper in April of last year, which claimed a former group was disbanded after the death of Kim Jong Il in 2011.

It writes the women, who were then dispatched to work at Kim Jong Il’s summer villas, were undergoing security training at a hotel in Pyongyang and had to sign a pledge of secrecy “in return for money and gifts.”

9) Cured AIDS.

And Ebola.

 

AP
Thousands of North Koreans gather at the Kim Il Sung Square.

The Korea Central News Agency revealed the discovery late on Thursday evening, with scientists trumpeting the Kumdang-2 drug as a cure for the both the deadly virus and the fatal infection.

According to the state-run news service, the drug is made from ginseng, which is grown from fertilizer and mixed with “micro-quantities of gold and platinum.”

The Kumdang-2 website notes that it also cures “malicious virus infections,” including SARS and MERS thanks to drug’s qualities as a “strong immune reviver.”

Only it’s certainly all total rubbish.

10) All the times they’ve tested a nuclear bomb.

 Nukes are bad...

KCNA KCNA / Reuters
Kim Jong-un laughing with members of his military.

 ... especially when held by regimes prone to threatening much of Western civilisation with annihilation. 

North Korea has conducted five successful nuclear tests, in 2006, 2009, 2013 and two this year for good measure.

After their latest on the 2 September, Barack Obama condemed the country calling it a “grave threat to national security”.

South Korea notched up the rhetoric a touch saying it was a sign of “fanatic recklessness”.

11) All the times they’ve (allegedly) executed someone in a horrific way for a ridiculous reason.

Do not mess with Kim Jong-un.

 

KCNA KCNA / Reuters

Despite his chubby, jolly demeanour, Dear Leader is one ruthless dictator.

He has:

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