In a time of recession and anti-social behaviour, it's the really important issues that play on your mind. Namely: The Voice vs Britain's Got Talent - WHICH IS BETTER?
Well, let's look at the facts:
87% of people admit to having a 'voice', but only 12% to having 'talent'. 55% of us identify ourselves as 'British', but almost no one refers to themselves with the definite article (except The Stig). So is a program claiming to find Britain's talent, actually statistically capable of doing so? Is The Voice a mathematical impossibility?
No one knows.
So where 'facts' fail us, let us look to a far more decisive branch of logic: what Frisky & Mannish (i.e. us) think.
Firstly, BGT. Now, this may be an established talent institution, but we think we're right in saying that, since SuBo, no one cares. So, what do you do when no one cares? You turn to the experts in unloved programming - the BBC. And what do the BBC do when haemorrhaging viewers? They call in Alesha Dixon. So that's just what Simon Cowell did. Welwyn Garden City's answer to Kelly Rowland has been snapping and shimmying her way through the audition stages in granny-startling frocks to marvellous effect. In the context of BGT she even manages to look like the serious pro, which, when you think of her on Strictly, tells you more about BGT than Alesha.
The Voice saw their Alesha Dixon, and raised them a J-J-J-J-J-Jessie J. Visually, we can only describe her as 'a feast'. The shirt looks not unlike a project from Art Attack, and she can actually check her lipstick in her hair, it's so shiny. Not only is she pin-sharp as a judge (sorry, coach), but her mastery of the 'girl wit' attitude' gurn (see Cher Lloyd for further reading) makes her a priceless addition to our televisions.
We like to pause on the best gurns and use tracing paper to capture them for Frisky's gran who can't work Sky+. She loves a good face. Clearly the contestants agree with us, as pretty much everyone picks her as a mentor, even though she's been singing for about five minutes and is sitting next to TOM JONES. Never underestimate the power of a gurn.
So, when it comes to female authority figure, The Voice is the clear winner. Okay, so BGT also has Amanda Holden, but given in most of the episodes she's either so pregnant she can barely function, or literally straight from death's door, we wouldn't expect her contribution to be sparkling. We're impressed she could even be bothered to get a face on. So she is exempted, which, given previous form, may well be lucky for her.
Next time we'll be looking at the homoerotic flirting between judges - is it the well-publicised Simon Cowell and David Walliams? Or is Will.I.Am's cheeky banter with Danny Whatshisface going to sneak up the rear (OOOH PARDON!)? Check back soon to find out...
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