I have a theory... I believe, (and I hope), that as many people my age come from the 'divorced parents' ilk, that when we set off into holy matrimony, we will put more effort into our marriage in the hope that it will stick, we will not leave when we get bored, tired or fancy a change, but attempt to have a marriage for better or worse, literally until death do us part. This is certainly going to be my attempt on marriage when I do it, anyway.
When I was 12, my mum (after years of speculation), discovered my dad was copping off with her best friend, our 'aunt', if you like.
She was heartbroken, utterly destroyed by this double betrayal (it had been going on an undisclosed amount of time; probably years), my mum acted in the only way you would want your mum to act, she was courageous. She kicked him out, got a haircut, got pissed and got divorced. (For the nosey ones reading, he went on to marry the best friend and they are still together to this day. I'm still to this day not sure if I think this is a good thing or not.)
In a recent heart to heart with my mum, I explained that as proud as I was of her at the time, being a strong, independent role-model for me at that vulnerable age, as I got older, and subsequently fell in love myself, my feelings have now somewhat shifted, and I find it now a shame that she didn't fight for her marriage. She didn't fight for my dad to stay, (not that I think it would have made a remote bit of difference mind you, but you never know), but the issue remains, she didn't FIGHT. Because people don't. She thought it was brave to let him go, not brave to ask him to stay.
I watched the film The Vow the other day (very good if you like that kind of thing) and Rachel McAdams' character questions her mum on her dad's infidelity, and asks her why she didn't leave him and why she didn't have any "dignity" (flippant word, often used in these situations), and she replies, "I chose to stay with him for all the things that he did right and not leave him for one thing that he did wrong." If I had heard that a few years ago uttered from my mother's mouth, I would have probably called her 'pathetic' and ran to the park to get pissed on 20/20 with my mates. Ah, the difference a bit of puberty makes...
This scene, and that drunken conversation with my mum got me thinking, what would I DO in that situation? Say it was me who had committed and married some dude for 15 years only to come home from work one night to find out he has had a full blown affair with another woman. I'm not talking a one night stand, but a full on "I love you, I might leave my wife and kids for you" type of affair. Would I think about my wedding vows at that moment and decide to swallow what little pride I felt I had and attempt to make the marriage work? Or would I act now, think later?
Do we want love, as we want everything else "READY MADE" these days?
Look at the world we live in. We want things fast. We can't even be bothered to shop anymore, nor even do it online, no. Now we have 'an app', so we can literally "shop while we shit." (That should be the apps world motto). You can sit on the bog whilst shopping on an app on your phone. I mean, talk about time saving.
Are we putting in the effort into our relationships? Are we honestly prepared to do the full hog? Or are we dipping in and out when it suits us?
I don't know who is right about the marriage thing. The fault remains on the person who has committed adultery, of course, I just hope that if I'm ever faced with that dilemma one day, that I have the courage to choose my wedding vows over my pride. Saying that, what a dick he must have been for cheating on me in the first place? Maybe I should ram those vows down HIS throat...
And so were back to square one...
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