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Pickles - The Man To Get Cameron Out Of A Pickle

17/05/2013 13:31 BST | Updated 16/07/2013 10:12 BST

We all know the bubble is about to burst. The London politics/media/schoolrun bubble I mean, the one which most of us think is pretty representative of the entire country. Because everybody cares passionately about the latest EU regulations, cooks lamb shanks for Saturday night dinner parties and buys from Boden. Don't they?

It's already bursting catastrophically around David Cameron thanks to his well-publicised fondness for surrounding himself with Old Etonians and Oxbridge scholars because, well, they're clever and so they know so much about people's lives. So big are their brains - and so wonderful this elite's contacts amongst potential donors, for instance - that they're perfect candidates to help the Government, or more specifically the Tories, attract the populace. That's the argument anyway.

Sometimes the Prime Minister is so out of touch and yet doesn't seem to have the ability - or is it the courage? - to admit his myopia might be damaging how people perceive him. And perception is the key. When it comes to the General Election most voters will be swayed by the perception they have of the leaders. They don't really pretend to know policy details - and anyway these days most policies are either interchangeable or likely to be abandoned once in power. They vote on perception.

If only the Prime Minister had, say, a straight-talking Northerner he could turn to, to lift the party's appeal outside of the South East. Maybe someone who was uninterested in PR spin but was a take-me-as-I-am kind of bloke, educated perhaps at the local comp, maybe even went to polytechnic, the sort of background that would help to balance the coiffeured posh brigade.

What would be even better is if he's a former Labour supporter who saw the error of his ways and moved to the blue team, bringing with him a quick Yorkshire wit. And - this is obviously the most unrealistic trait of the lot - had been happily married (to a woman) for almost 40 years.

If only David Cameron had someone like that and wasn't afraid to be seen with him, wasn't afraid to promote him to a position which would give this hypothetical person much more publicity, encourage the electorate to identify with this mythical creature (their own cuddly Nigel Farage if you like, just not as sinister), a man to widen the Tory appeal.

To say to a disgruntled electorate, put off politics because they consider the David-Gideon-Nick-Ed axis to be far removed for their everyday lives, 'Hey, here's someone just like you. Well maybe a bit fatter but, still, he's normal!'

I'd vote for Eric Pickles.