Hysteria surges across the world like rumours of a fling between colleagues spreads throughout an office.
Terrorism is going to kill us. Trump is going to kill us. Big Ben has stopped bonging. The Earth is careering towards a destruction so horrific that not even Conor McGregor's ego can stop it.
This is the view spouted by newspapers and constantly rocketing around social media; panic is the in-thing. If you aren't perpetually condemning oppressive regimes or scaremongering about how you will get stabbed to death the second you step out of your front door, then you are no longer relevant and all of your fifteen Twitter followers will disappear.
That's the problem with the press and social media: in the search of popularity originality becomes obsolete.
This probably explains the massive reaction to the recent series of ITV's Love Island, which prompted opinions from all spectrums of the UK, whether viewers of the show or not. Despite the programme obviously being just a more physical version of Big Brother, with just as many fake couples and ridiculous tantrums, it seemed to generate a sudden realisation amongst the British public that it's OK to not be miserable.
Following on from this, I think I've found the antidote to the horror stories of the doom merchants (and it's a lot cheaper than moving to Mars.)
It's a TV show called Say Yes to the Dress, and basically it's an American reality series about women getting extremely excited and being very happy about buying wedding dresses. There are no massacres, there are just the right amount of walls and all of the clocks chime delightfully.
It's a stereotypical, trashy US show that people become entranced by thanks to its innocence as well as the tension induced by its music and narration. Sure, there are some petty arguments and plenty of over exaggerated crying, but there's always something redeeming that leaves every episode with a "happily ever after" finish.
Sensibly speaking, it would be quite a stretch to describe the viewing experience as being utopian, but it definitely provides a much needed contrast from stern commentators criticising anyone who dares not to be dour. Lots of people need to realise that positivity is crucial when dealing with serious situations.
The bottom line is that the opinions of social gurus and overpaid newspaper columnists are just that - they are not facts. The reason why these people continuously try to force their beliefs on others is because their arrogant personalities demand to be fed with constant attention. If you're feeling particularly tough (and bored) try reading a few articles in the Sun or the posts on Lily Allen's Twitter, then you'll see what I mean.
So, put your phone to one side and let the egos of the moaners deflate because the key to blissful happiness is an American TV show about dresses; maybe I should start a Crowdfund to roll the solution out internationally? I've even got a tagline: "the future is bright, the future is fake tan orange."Suggest a correction