I have come to realise that since I have jumped into the fabulous world which is motherhood, I no longer give a sh*t.
By this I mean, I've become immune to that feeling of wanting to be swallowed up by a hole in the floor. I no longer gush with flushed cheeks at a quirky comment.
You can't embarrass me because I'm a mum
From the moment you are expecting that little bundle of joy, your dignity takes a bashing. Strangers checking your twinkle and having a prod to see how far you have dilated and if they can feel the babies head. You might even get a few students thrown into the mix (as I did) to come and have a little nosy down there!
Yes those terrible tantrums. The meltdowns in Tesco used to be the best. Little one would take a fancy to something and grab it. It was then his property. Until I would gently try and take it away that is. His hand would form a tightly closed, white knuckled fist. All hell would then break loose and he would turn pyshco on me. And don't you always get those types who walk past and give you a sneering look? You know the look of disapproval that you should have more control of your child. And all the time you imagine slapping them across their smug chops during your moment of frustration.
But then a fellow parent passes by. They share a sympathetic smile, for they know too what it's like to tame the beast.
I recall my son having a chat with another little boy as they sat in the waiting room of the hospital. My son comments "My mummy can be so grumpy when me and my brother are naughty". The other little boys response was, "My mummy nags my daddy all the time!" Awkward!
I don't think either of us mums could be more pleased as we were when our sons names were called!
Then there was the time I went into a shop with little one and asked him what he would like to drink. He casually turned around and replied "I think I'll have a beer mummy". I don't think so son! The whole shop is smiling away at the humour of your little one and again there is that one person who looks at you in disbelief, thinking that you actually let your child consume such things. Ah sod off!
Invasion Of Privacy
I don't know about you, but every time I go for a bath the bathroom turns into an open house. It's busier than the M6! I'm sitting there trying to retain my modesty, while the whole household comes and goes.
Just as I lay back and relax to the lovely scent of my candles, grabbing my 5 minutes of heavenly bliss, little one decides to come in for a chat and a poo! And to top it off, whilst in midstream of taking a dump, points straight to my boobs and tells me "They are massive boobies mummy", no hiding in the bubbles here!
Saying the unthinkable
Since being a mum of two boys I have been driven to saying the most unthinkable things too.
Such as "No, stop stretching your willy" or "Don't lick your brothers face" and "Put it away!" I'm not referring to the toys either!
I even recall shouting "Why has the dog got Toy Story pants on?" You name it I've yelled it.
So you see, I really don't give a rats arse anymore. You can't embarrass me, because I'm a mum!