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Fitbit Frenzy

14/01/2016 15:51 GMT | Updated 14/01/2017 10:12 GMT

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Everyone is wearing a Fitbit. Everyone that is except me. I am not wearing a Fitbit and nor shall I in the foreseeable future. I am not even a "bit fit" so it probably is not the gadget for me. My son is wearing one 24/7 and I am already heartily sick of the constant updates on number of steps taken - believe me I am really not interested. The only mildly amusing moment that his Fitbit has so far provided is when he was sitting in the back of the car waving his arms up and down as if he was attempting to fly and the step counter steadily rose despite his feet not even touching the ground. That was enough for me to dismiss it airily as just another fad - and not even an accurate one - to which I am not succumbing.

And it is a fad. You'll see. By the end of the year there will be a mountain of discarded Fitbits in landfill sites across the country. Remember loom bands - or loon bands as I call them - the elastic fantastic craze that hit the nation about 2 years ago. Every day that summer brought a whole host of new pieces of elastic jewellery for me - my daughter asked me at least five time an hour whether she could make me another fishtail or whatever ring/bracelet/anklet. There came a time when I was just a giant walking multi-coloured elastic band. Do you see anyone loom banding now? No, because it was a fad. Although I am still finding those very irritating little elastic bands in the most incongruous places around my house.

What about the vast amounts of facial hair that seems to be de rigueur at the moment. I am talking about male facial hair in case you were concerned that bearded ladies were about to become a new trend. A few years ago, the clean-shaven look was all the rage, not so now. Now a clean-shaven man is a rarity amongst facial hair of all types from sparse bum fluff to full on ZZ Top. I was always told not to trust a man with a beard. Well, on that basis, the world has suddenly become a most dubious and unsafe place for me. It won't last though, we'll back to nice trustworthy, dependable clean-shaven mankind soon and I shall be able to relax in a much safer world.

Speaking of hair, who remembers the "Rachel" haircut? I am unable to forget it as it was one of the most traumatic phases of my hairstyling life. You see, I couldn't get a "Rachel" because my hair just won't do that. My hair hangs, it doesn't bounce and it doesn't do that nice flicky thing that Rachel's did. The hairdresser tried, really tried. She deposited a mountain of "product" on my head in an attempt to force my hair into the "Rachel" but I just ended up looking like me with an oil slick on my head. Anyway, my misery didn't last too long because the "Rachel" was just another fad. We've moved on through a whole host of other hairstyles since then - although I have learnt my lesson and now just allow my hair to hang - if that's what it wants to do, who am I to stop it?

I don't doubt that many fads/trends will return in some guise or other - beards is a good example of a 70s revival. There are trends - and they are mostly fashion trends - which I really do hope never return: shoulder pads in the '80s which made everyone look as though they had forgotten to take the coathanger out of their jackets and made passing someone in a corridor, or worse still in a doorway, a positively hazardous experience; hot pants which frankly just make me shudder and shell suits which despite a lengthy search on my part I have yet to find a single person who looks good in one - not even Gisele Bundchen could shine in a shell suit.

So what will replace the Fitbit when everyone gets tired of step-counting, heart rate monitoring and sleep quality analysis? Who knows but it will be some gadget which appeals to the worried well I'm sure. Pandering to our insecurities about health is the marketing man's dream and the gadget inventor's path paved with gold. All I am certain about is this is not a fad I'm going to participate in. At the risk of appearing stupid, I just don't understand what use all that information is to me. What am I supposed to do with it? Except of course, worry more about my health and fitness and contribute to the health anxiety which already permeates our society. The bottom line (excuse the pun) is that if I have been sitting on my backside all day, I am fully aware that I have been less active than on a day when I have been running around - I don't need to quantify that.

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