September is a random month. A little like January, in that most people are on post-holiday diets, avoiding booze and adjusting to the idea that it's another long year until they can lie by a pool for two weeks. Despite having found peace with the fact that summer is over, I still struggle to think of positives surrounding this time of year. A few which spring to mind however, are red wine and cosy pubs, (yes, I genuinely like them and no I haven't written that on my dating profile) the build up to Christmas being around the corner (you've got to love London for it's early November office parties) and the fact that 'wedding session' is over.
That is not to say that I don't like a good marital knees up, in fact there's nothing I enjoy more than watching other people spend thousands of pounds on an open bar that I can take full advantage of, but more that the older I get the less I understand people's relentless determination to spend the rest of their lives with one person.
Of course there are good reasons why people choose to get married - financially it makes sense, something to do with tax? Kids? Society? An amazing dress and loads of attention? (Come on girls, I can't be the only one) But to promote marriage as the holy grail of relationship happiness makes no sense to me - what is so great about marriage?
The most common answer to this question I came across when investigating the subject, was the attraction in having 'someone to grow old with' . Really? What happened to friends and family ... and vodka? I'd far rather sit in an old people's home at eighty-seven with two girlfriends and a bottle of Grey Goose than spend my final years staring at a dribbling man I once fancied forty years ago moaning about his dinner. And since when was it only couples who had signed a piece of paper that could grow old together? I quite like the idea that, should a person choose to wipe my arse in the latter stages of life, it's because they love me and not because they are legally bound to do so (God help them).
Might I go so far as to suggest that marriage is part of the reason so many relationships fail these days. It is a relatively recent phenomenon that marriage even has anything to do with love and in the past acted more of a business arrangement between families. The idea that one would base a marriage on something as irrational and emotional as love was incomprehensible - and guess what, there was far less divorce back then than there is now.
Granted today we don't need to sell a daughter in exchange for sixteen cows so marriage can afford to be a little more fanciful and self-indulgent however I do find it ironic that in today's allegedly modern and forward-thinking society it is widely seen as the sole reason a person would marry and that people are so surprised at rocketing divorce rates.
When a woman admits to marrying for money, social status or anything other than loves young dream she is considered ruthless. Ruthless or realistic I wonder? The 'romantic' pressure of marriage has never been so evident but romance fades, sex dwindles and love can turn to familiarity or even resentment. And what remains after that? Two people resenting each other, bound together by financial commitments, children and habit, or there's divorce and disappointment. At least a girl who marries for money will have a decent pair of heels and a few quid in the bank to look forward to when it all turns to shit.
Marrying someone until death do us part purely on the basis of true love is a charming idea. But I choose not to marry, not because I disagree with the institution per se but more that I am realistic about the chances of survival when a married is based on 'love' alone. I would rather spend a year, 10 years, a lifetime with somebody I chose to be with, knowing either of us could walk away whenever we wanted, than find myself in a situation where I was bound to someone and unable to leave without excessive cost and heartache.
Either that or find myself a sugar daddy with a weak heart .... Oh yes, I do.Suggest a correction