Hello and welcome to an evening with me, Andrew Stone. First off let me say that I am not gay and I love women, I have also been a lead in many West End Shows; I am by no means bitter that Simon Cowell bulldozed my dreams of world pop domination, even though I have danced with Britney Spears. I, Andrew Stone Starman, am proud to be in the bargain bin with the one and only Frankie Cocozza.
Last night the self-confessed 'triple threat' couldn't get enough of the sound of his own voice, as he went in to great detail about his life, loves and career crushes. If that man ever releases a book, which he actually hinted at during last night's self-indulgent bore fest, it will probably sell as well as Alan Partridge's Bouncing Back but won't come with free torch or Chocolate Orange.
The first task of the series kicked off last night, with the Z-lebs lining up and figuring out the link between each other, which resembled a shamefully cringeworthy AA meeting complete with dirty laundry being flung left right and centre. I have to give mad props (Romeo's lingo is rubbing off on me) to the Channel 5 researchers for digging up the right amount of dirt to make these spoilt fame chasers feel smaller than Ryan Giggs at a family reunion.
Speaking of Giggs, Natasha continued to flap her gums about the scandal, as Nicola claimed she would definitely buy a book about it. Can Nicola actually read anything that isn't written in Twitter twang or a copy of OK! magazine? Natasha then had the balls to question the twins about their time in the Playboy mansion, saying, "so you got paid to do nothing all day?" Erm hello love, that's what you are all doing right now, and I'm sure it makes a difference from lying back and thinking of England. For me, Natasha will never be able to shake the scandal of what she did, and the best she can gain from this is an interview in Heat, a home spread with Nicola McLean who will need to keep an eye on her husband and a Zoo magazine shoot complete with Man Utd stripes and a possible boob-off with Imogen Thomas.
I'm particularly looking forward to Channel 5's next reality TV show, Around The World In 30 Flirts With Kirk Norcross. I received a show spec this evening and it really is Bafta worthy.
"Join Brentwood boy Kirk Norcross as he unleashes his mad flirting skillz across the world, including stops in the US of Africa and Canaica.' Kirk epitomises the celebrity that young people admire today, and his knowledge of where the most common countries of the world are located was beyond embarrassing.
But he should be familiar with Spain, as he clearly is the stalker from Mallorca when it comes to Georgia Salpa, 'I had a connection with her before I even met her, and asked if she fancied going on holiday and she seemed keen.' Elope to Australia, Georgia, it's near Canada right?