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How to Play Musical Beds

04/10/2015 19:56 BST | Updated 04/10/2016 10:12 BST

Sometimes, at night, we like to play a really fun game called Musical Beds....not heard of it? Never fear, I am here to teach you.

9:08pm

After checking both boys are fast asleep in their respective beds, myself and the Husband climb into ours and fall asleep within seconds.  That's what being a parent does to you, bed before 10pm and proud of it.

Number of people asleep - 4

1:28am

The Toddler starts shouting for mummy.  Mummy hauls herself out of bed to go to him, quick peek at the baby and he's still asleep so I settle myself on the (cold tiled) floor and lay my head on the Toddler's pillow for him to play with my hair.

Number of people asleep - 2

2:06am

No sooner have I pulled the covers back on our bed the baby cries, night feeding time.  We get cosy in the rocking chair and the Toddler shouts again, up gets the Husband and I can hear an urgent conversation about spiders in the bed happening. There are no spiders (I hope) and the Husband is having a losing battle trying to convince the Toddler otherwise and I hear him climb into bed with him.

Number of people asleep - 0

2:43am

After stripping the baby of his sleeping bag, taking his temperature and giving him Calpol I give up on trying to get him into HIS bed and take him through to sleep in our (still empty) bed.

Number of people asleep - 1 (The Baby)

2:57am

After hearing "lie down" being repeated constantly for the past 30 minutes I decide its only fair to swap with the Husband.  The Baby just needs one of us to lie next to him so we swap.  And I realise WHY the phrase lie down has been uttered so much.  The Toddler does not want to lie on his bed or pillow, the spiders you see. He wants a human mattress.  Every time you try to get him off you he climbs back on you insisting the spiders are there.

Number of people asleep - still just the baby

3:18am

The Baby does his hungry cry, the Toddler is clinging to me like a limpet so we head back to our bed.

Number of people asleep - 0

3:24am

Everyone in our Bed.  A small double bed.  One baby with half the bed to himself, one Toddler starfished in the middle, one mummy curled to feed the baby whilst providing her hair for the Toddler to play with, one husband clinging onto the edge for dear life, teeth gritted, I swear I can hear the angry breathing.

Number of people asleep - you guessed it, just the baby

4:01am

After being kicked, poked, punched and clinging on for dear life the final straw for the Husband is the loud shouting from the Toddler to  "GO DOWNSTAIRS" so they do. Toddler win.

Still just the baby asleep

4:18am

I hear the Toddler halfway up the stairs shouting for me.  I go to get him, holding my breath that moving won't make the baby wake and as I reach the stair of course he turns and walks back down before falling off our last step.  Have I mentioned they are marble?  Enough is enough so I collect the Toddler and have a whole conversation with my husband with just our eyes, you know, that thing people can do when they've been together a long time, that goes something along the lines of....

What did we do to deserve this?  He's YOUR son.  No he's definitely YOURS.  I'm so tired.  Who doesn't like sleeping?? I like sleeping. I want to be asleep.

Bringing the Toddler back into our bed where the baby is *miraculously* still sleeping I basically resort to becoming a human swaddle the Toddler newborn style and practice the slow and even breathing that's meant to make him do the same and sleep.

Surprisingly it does and he closes his eyes.

Both boys asleep!!  Both adults cross and grumpy.

4:32am

The Husband makes his way, slowly and creakily up the stairs, pops his head in and sees there is no space in the bed (I am sure that he welcomed that sight) with me in a strange yoga-like position across the middle due to the baby being attached to the boob and the toddler requiring my hair as a comfort blanket.

Off he sneaks down the corridor to get in the Toddlers Bed.

Everyone is once again asleep.

6:23am

I cough, wake the Toddler up, who wakes the baby up.  The Toddler is very excited to be in our room, with NO BABY GATE so becomes even more excited having the ability run up and down the hall shouting

Daddy's in MY bed

And attempting to get into his room, which has the blessed baby gate, to get into the bed he hated the night before.

Number of people asleep - 0

Good Morning World

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