THE BLOG

How to Have a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Relationship In Your Real Life

05/02/2015 15:34 GMT | Updated 06/04/2015 10:59 BST

I just read an article where the directors of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie compared filming the flick's steamiest sex scenes to shooting a wilderness documentary. At first I giggled and shared the link with my best friend on g-chat, but then it got me thinking-while most of us probably wish our own relationships were as wild, untamed and unfiltered as Fifty Shades or anything you might see on National Geographic, it doesn't always feel like that.

Real life is, at times, boring, censored and totally predictable. I'm surprisingly okay with that, but it seems that most women aren't. If you're a woman reading this right now, chances are high that you've read Fifty Shades of Grey, or if you're an overachiever, the whole trilogy. Collectively, the three books have sold well over 100 million copies globally and skyrocketed it's stay-at-home mum author E.L. James to cult status. Which is to say, women are obsessed with Fifty Shades in all of it's BDSM and submissive glory. While it's been proven that the chance of a relationship just like Christian and Anastasia's occurring in real life is absolutely zero (sad news!), it doesn't mean that there aren't small things you can do to create the perfect Fifty Shades Wilderness Documentary Relationship of your very own!

First, you've got to make sex a priority. Like, a major priority. Cancel your dinner plans, reschedule your girls night, and maybe your neighbor can walk your dog? Priorities. Sex scenes make up one fifth of the "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie, so get cracking! For every 100 hundred minutes of the film, there is 20 minutes of sex-now, I'm not insinuating you shoot for that goal, but if so, more power to you! Stay hydrated. However, every time you feel like rolling over and getting an extra hour of sleep instead and saying "not tonight", just repeat "20 out of 100" in your mind and use this as inspiration to step your game up!

Next, it's crucial that you remain open to new things. One of the most famous lines Anastasia utters is "Enlighten me, then" when Christian says she wouldn't understand his "singular" interests. It's important to note that while Fifty Shades is all about their interaction in the bedroom, you can enlighten your own partner both in bed and out. Growing together as a couple, trying new things, challenging each other, pushing boundaries and making memories will establish a bond that won't break. It's more about the attitude and willingness to engage in activities that make your partner happy than sex, if we are talking about "real life" versus fiction. Honestly, my husband would be just as happy to take me to nine basketball games in a row than tie me up, lets keep it real.

You have also got to make sure that there is a well established bond of trust between you and your partner. This will make all of your interactions, again-not just under the sheets-that much more meaningful. In the "real world" the type of relationship in Fifty Shades of Grey is not one you would just rush into (unless you're Anastasia) without fully believing that your relationship is a safe place. Do you feel comfortable talking to your partner about just about anything? Do they know you-the real, unfiltered and unedited you, and love you anyway? Can you trust them with your deepest, darkest secrets? Before you can take things to wilderness documentary levels in any regard, you've got to have a solid foundation to stand on.

Obviously, Fifty Shades of Grey is fiction. It's not meant to be real, it's an escape, a day-dream, a laugh with your girlfriends...but if you could infuse just a bit of the passion from the book and upcoming movie into your real-life relationships, why wouldn't you want to? Be the star of your own wilderness documentary, whatever that looks like in your own real life!