THE BLOG

37 Seconds Inside a Parent's Head

05/08/2016 16:43 | Updated 05 August 2016
Bjorn Vinter via Getty Images

THE SCENE: playing in tiny man's bedroom; books and miscellaneous items he has picked up in the last ten-minutes (reel of sellotape, single work shoe of husband that husband will shout at wife for losing, car key that I will later hunt down for 15 minutes, kitchen wooden spoon).

THE HEAD (
seconds 1-3): This is amazing. Look at him reading the book! He's so clever! I'm so lucky to have the time to sit and read with him on a Thursday afternoon. Life is great!

THE SCENE: tiny man bores of That's Not My Elephant book (who can blame him), and upturns box of wooden train, which I OCD-ishly earlier spent ages intricately setting up Exactly As The Box Says.

THE HEAD (seconds 4-9): I should stop pointlessly building that train to its box specifications. It's not a Northern line to Morden. WOW! He can build the blocks onto the train himself! It's so fun and beautiful to watch my little guy growing and learning all the time!

THE SCENE (seconds 10-20): I slip my iPhone out of my back pocket, check work email, finger slips onto Facebook icon, scroll through old school frenemy's wedding pics.

THE HEAD: (seconds 22-24): Oh man. I'm addicted to my phone. It's pathetic that I can't mindfully be 'in the moment'. When tiny man's doing art in five years' time and the teacher asks him to draw his mama, will I be the shamed parent who gets sketched with her hand permanently attatched to a phone?!

THE SCENE: (seconds 25-27) hurls phone into other room, focuses back on tiny man, who is now emptying his vest drawer out onto the floor.

THE HEAD: (seconds 28-30) Wonder what the time is. Can't check as don't have phone. Is it nap time?

THE SCENE: (seconds 31-33) All vests, trousers, babygrows, PJs and socks have now been removed from all drawers. Carpet no longer visible.

THE HEAD: (seconds 33-35) Doesn't matter, already posted perfect room shot on Instagram today. OH CRAP DISTANT RELATIVE IS COMING OVER LATER.

THE SCENE: (seconds 36-38): Mad 'tidying' (hurling items in drawers), effusive praise for three items tiny man also puts away (despite fact he then takes them, and others, out again.)

THE HEAD: He's so gorgeous. I love him so much. Is it nap-time yet?

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