THE BLOG

Confidence Sapping Friends, Family and Colleagues

02/12/2013 12:26 GMT | Updated 29/01/2014 10:59 GMT

Although it is a well known fact, there are still some people who are totally unaware that the people with whom they have the most contact and hang around will have either a positive or negative effect on their levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know those people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around. How do they make you feel?

Yes, they make you feel the same! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with positive, 'can do' vibes that has a zingy knock on effect onto everyone else.

We also know of those people who could moan for England, and continually do! Often the least confident people are the ones who moan about how hard done by they are, how they are overlooked for promotion, how they are never chosen for this team or that project. They don't realise how damaging they are to themselves and to other people.

They claim never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don't like others to be successful, they are jealous and they are negative thinkers - need I go on?

These people drain your energy and try to bring you down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

Work colleagues can be like this and will affect you and your confidence levels if you allow them to. When you have spend your working days with negative people, try to block out as much of the negativity as possible. If there is one particular person who continually drags you down, take them to one side and explain how you feel and ask them to be more considerate of your feelings.

Family members can be a lot like this as well, but although you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your relatives!

So what can you do to make sure that the people who you hang around with empower and support what you stand for, rather than bring you down all of the time?

You have the power to choose who you hang around with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. You also have the power to choose who you don't hang around with. Be selective.

If you have good friends who are negative and yet you still want to hang around them, make a point of letting them know how you feel - if they are a true friend they will respect you for this. If they are negative from time to time just acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity.

The same can be said with family. Your more mature family members have behaviours that have been conditioned for years and years by their parents, teachers etc., and the conditioning has come from different eras. Appreciate where they have come from and be selective with the information that filters through to your brain. Discard the negative.

Remember, that nobody can reduce your confidence levels unless you allow them to.