THE BLOG

What to do After You Have Broken Up With a Controlling Partner

04/11/2014 09:57 GMT | Updated 03/01/2015 10:59 GMT

You will probably feel huge relief when you have finally taken the plunge, gathered all your courage and broken up with a manipulative and controlling ex. You may well think it's all over, I am free and skip down the road feeling ecstatic.

Beware, because they have been used to controlling and manipulating you for a long time, and there is no reason why they wouldn't want to try to control the break up too? Or at least try. Don't allow them to.

If you are the one who has left this relationship, your ex will have their pride dented, their ego bruised. In addition their play thing has been taken away from them. They have nobody to ridicule, torment or annoy.

Living in a relationship that is manipulative and controlling is not normal. I know this because I was in a marriage where my husband controlled, manipulated, belittled for 12 years. I thought it was normal, until one day I woke up and realised that it wasn't. I made the decision to leave that relationship. It took a lot of courage and determination as he tried to continue manipulating, but I didn't give in.

On leaving your toxic, manipulative relationship you may well be bombarded with a ton of verbal and text communication trying to get you to change your mind. Don't give in to it. Your ex will try to make you feel guilty, they will try to make you feel that it is all your fault, they will try to make you go back with the promise that they will change. They won't change. Don't give in.

All of this has the potential to cause your work life to suffer as your nagging little voice in your head is trying to build up the doubt in your mind. It is possible you will hear in your head 'Did I do the right thing?' 'If my ex is hurting is it my fault?' And these thoughts will swirl around in your head trying to bring you down.

Add that nagging voice to the messages you are receiving from your ex telling you how bad a time they are having now that you have gone and you may find it hard to cope.

Possibly it is true they are suffering, but remember the bad time you had whilst you were in the relationship. Stay strong. Don't give in to their sob story. Remember they are manipulative and controlling and will do their best to make you feel it is all your fault. It isn't your fault, don't listen, don't go back.

It will take you some time to realise that you really do have freedom now, and it is up to you to learn what to do with your new found freedom. Whatever it is you do with it, make sure it benefits you.

Take as long as you need to rebuild your life on your terms. Enjoy being free of the manipulation and control. Try and avoid getting involved with a similar type of person in the future. You deserve better.